Dear Diary
by nocomment199
Summary: Dear Diary we search this world for love our whole life. We all do…It's the hardest thing finding that feeling, that someone and yet some of us meet them, have them in our lives, and are loved by them, but are too scared to act so we miss our chance…Or do we? Is it too late? Too late for love to be returned? No…It's never too late. ]][[ Quinntana/check it out :)
1. He Is Not Dead aka Chapter One

_Dear Diary, I am standing here alone as always…You and me again…I am sorry for leaving you to dust off for so many years…Not so many but like since I was a kid, maybe? You will forgive me, right? Please…Okay…Thank you…_

_Yeah…_

_I'm crazy I know…Talking to you…um…Writhing to you like you are alive…Hah…Yeah…_

_So…_

_It's been some time, some things happened to me during it, some stuff gone bad, some good…You know how it is…I have changed a lot, I mean I am still that insecure little girl from way back, still that girl that loves writing and fantasy and sci-fi and is kind of a nerd, but now my exterior has changed…Now…I don't wear those big frame glasses or brasses, I have lost a lot of weight and you know according to all I'm very beautiful, but you know me best…You know I don't believe that…_

_Um…_

_What's bringing me back to you? Or at least if you were a talking/writing back diary you would ask…I think so at least…Heh…Crazy over here remember :D …_

_So what broth me back is…Mmm the lack of real friends, maybe? Don't really know…I found you two days ago in a boxes labeled "trash" and I just couldn't help it…Picked you up…Read a little of what it was before and it made me think of what it was now…You know I think my past self just changed my life…Is that even possible…Like not in the time travel way but like in um words way :D I am making no sense, and I'm saying just stuff, like nothing you would like to know :D …_

_It's the last day of summer and I feel really lost…So let me break it down…Somewhere in the middle of middle school things started changing for me, I started losing weight, I became taller, I guess puberty hit me but in a good way…So I started wearing contacts, and glasses only when reading at home, my braces came off and I had perfect teeth…But the bulling never stopped, during the change it became even worse…So…You know I was just a kid, I didn't really know how to ignore it or how to react so when my parents told me we were moving during the summer that marked the begging of my last year in Junior high I was more than excited about it…_

_Fran helped me change my wardrobe, taught me how to use make up, how to take care of my hair, she was my Yoda during those days, during that summer…I think she was really happy that her little sis needed her even thou she teased me about it all the time…During her senior year and my last year in J High we became quite close…We started spending a lot of time together she even introduced me to her friends, you know I guess it was that whole college is coming thing…You know she knew we wouldn't see each other so often when she goes off to her future so she tried to make up the lost time…But we both liked it…She was the reason I left you that summer, she found you one day, read all the words written on your pages and she came to me in tears…I remember looking at her, she seemed so sorry, so sad, she hugged me and from that moment on she took care of me, she made sure no one would bully me in this big city, so she helped me change._

_You see you know how my family is…So…Yeah my change was limited, but Fran pulled the look of goody-too-good perfectly and she taught me how to do it too._

_So what pushed me to you again?_

_I…I don't think I'm ready to talk about it…My therapist told me that I needed to get my feeling out…To talk to someone or just write them down…You know…I'm not the type to trust easily…So here you come in the picture…_

_I'm sorry…I didn't mean to cry all over your pages…And I'm sorry for not being able to talk to you…Or write…It was suppose to be easy…I mean…It was suppose to be…_

_Easy…_

_I'm sorry…_

Quinn closed her diary, still feeling the tears going down her cheeks…She felt broken and not able to move, yet again going in that depressive mood that she was in during this whole summer…She was shaking…Trying to suppress the tears…She had no more to give…No more to cry…She had non left, and she felt hollow from all the crying, so why were there tears wetting the pages of her new/old diary…  
>"I cannot say, and will not say<br>that he is dead. He is just away.

With a cheery smile, and a wave of the hand,  
>he has wandered into an unknown land<p>

and left us dreaming how very fair  
>it needs must be, since he lingers there."<p>

She repeated the quote a few times till she stopped feeling the tears going down her cheeks…It always worked…It was her thing, the one thing that made her feel better or at least keep the grieve away for some time…For a little bit…Just a little…She closed her eyes and dropped on her new bed feeling the soft mattress underneath her. It was nice, comfortable, it made her longing sleep so badly, but she had work to do. With a long and annoyed sigh she stood up and looked at all the boxes in her new, bigger than the old, room. It was so annoying to unpack, but at least it would give her something to do till dinner time? Not that she wanted to attend dinner…Sitting with her father and mother on that table in complete silence was like…um…quiet torture? Yeah that was pretty much the best explanation to that situation she could think about…

_So let's do this shit…_

She started opening boxes randomly and looking at all the stuff she had…

_No…_

The box full with clothes was thrown to the side, the goody-to-good-daughter dresses were the last thing she wanted…They were a reminder, and she didn't want that…She wanted a change…Yeah…Change once again.

_So dear Diary, thank you for reminding me that change is something good, or should I thank my old me, past me? Note to me from the past – Thank you! 3 _

She wrote the words and left the diary on her bed, carefully like it might break or something.

_Okay, first we get rid of the boxes than mall time…_She smiled to her new plan and started working on the boxes again…

An hour later she was almost ready but way too lazy to continue, and she didn't had the time to do so. She left the box she was unpacking and took her car keys from the nightstand. Quinn ran downstairs and into the kitchen seeing her mother halfway down a wine bottle and a glimpse of her father reading his paper like always…All of this so normal, but yet…All of them knew that things weren't as they were before so it was like looking at the dummies once used for nuclear testing, the perfect house wife, the all so-not-busy dad, but she…Ow she didn't intend to be the perfect little daughter she had always been…No, that was the past…"Mom may I have the card? I'm going to the mall" she said like it explained everything but she knew her mother was way out of it to even care. Judy pointed at her purse and Quinn just took her card and rushed out of the house, that , it didn't really surprised her, was already perfectly arranged like they had been living here for years…

She played with her car keys, just standing on her porch…_So…Lima, Ohio_ looked pretty decent but, you know, it was a small town, not really much happening in it, a little boring probably if she remembered right. Quinn didn't really care, she preferred it like that…It meant no traffic and everything was close by, public transport was good…Now that she taught about it Lima wasn't so small…_Probably depends on what you compare it with_… She looked at her car like it was a dragon ready to eat her…She really didn't want to drive it, didn't want to even be near it, but she preferred going shopping by herself than with her drunk mother, and using the bus or walking wasn't really a great option given the proportion her shopping was going to be…A whole new wardrobe would require a vehicle…She took a deep and long breath before breathing out, closing her eyes…**Be yourself, be brave and bold, but smart, good, kind**…The words echoed in her head, the last words that she heard from…No, no tears…" He is not dead. He is just away" she repeated till the sadness was gone.

Sitting behind the wheel she looked to her right at the empty passenger seat…_Okay, I can do this…Lucy Quinn Fabray you can do this!_...She started the engine and pulled back from the driveway and on the road. She was happy that the mall was close and that there was no traffic what so ever…It was the last day of summer but yet there were no cars to be seen on the road for last minute shopping…Yeah this was one of the good things to a small town, or medium town…Or something like that…

The mall was small and more like a shopping center, the parking lot was just a little full so maybe there was some was minute shopping. The inside was like any other mall, shops, shops, shops, café, shops, shops, food, teens, moms…She noticed the different groups of people but didn't really took the time to look at them, instead she started going to the different shops ready to spend some of her trust fund. So it was a little strange for Quinn to shop alone, she had grown used to always have someone with her, mostly her mom, choosing the "appropriate" clothes for a young woman of her religion or her social class, so that meant a lot of dresses, but now she was here to change that so no more dresses…She walked around, going into almost every shop, stopping and at some point taking a break to drink a café and eat something and then continuing with the shopping till she was ready to leave the mall with enough clothes to fill her closet and dresser, mostly jeans, t-shirts, one shoulder blouses, some vests, shirts, sneakers and etc. No dresses!

She looked at the little hair salon at the exit and then at the bags in her hands. She left them in her car and came back to the salon, walking in and looking at the mirror, her hair was long and blonde, she wasn't wearing any makeup and the shadows under her eyes were pretty obvious.

"Hello, how can I assist you?" a smiling brunet came in front of Quinn and her smile was pretty contagious so Quinn smiled back.

"I want it cut, to the shoulders and with bangs, parted bangs, and make it kind of uneven like a little messy you know?" she blabbers out and the girl's smile grew wider if it was even possible.

"Okay, take a seat right there and I will come in a sec" Quinn listened to the girl and walked the way she was pointed to. She sat down and waited…

…

She closed the door behind her, this was her last trip from her car to her room for bags so she looked it and started sorting through them, some of the other bags were already done and in the washing machine, there were only a few left and after those were ready she intended on finishing her unpacking. Sleep wasn't a thing for her, she couldn't sleep without the nightmares coming so she just chose not to…She had all night to deal with all of the mess, probably catching a one or two hour nap, more than that would be too much of a hopeful thinking. "Quinn, honey, time for dinner!" she heard her mother's voice through the door and sighed, that was something she really didn't want to go through. She heard her mother's steps on the wooden floors of the corridor and smiled, during this last summer she rarely spoke with her parents, not that she hated them or something, just couldn't take the fakeness of their happiness.

She opened her door, after she was finished with her last pack of clothes; she knew her parents had already started eating, they knew it would be a miracle for her to join them. She sat down in one of the luxury chairs and looked at the home cooked meal. Her mother's mouth formed the shape of an "O" and her father was looking at her with such anger and disappointment, she had never seen him like that, he was the type of man to hide his emotions through the perfect face they were playing right now…Till the moment they saw Quinn…Her hair was short and messy, she was wearing a black V neck t-shirt and shorts, in the eyes of any other parents she was a regular teenager, but hers…Oh for them she was the opposite…"This is not the look of a young lady…" her father said in his fake calm voice, but the words came from grinding teeth "This…This is far from it" he looked at her, his eyes full with anger "Is that what you are going to do to us now? After everything you are going to become…To become this!" he stood up and Quinn noticed her mother's shoulders tense

"Russel there is no need for dramatics." Her mother took a long sip from her wine and looked at her husband, it was the first time ever for Judy Fabray to stand up to Quinn's father…It was surprising, unexpected…"Honey" she looked at Quinn with a soft smile "It's okay" Quinn felt her mother's hand on her fist, her knuckles had become white as snow, she was ready to jump from her chair and hit her father, she wanted it so badly…

"How could you…How could you be such an ass?" she asked with all the hate she could gather so clear in her voice. It was pure venom and she saw it in his eyes, he didn't like the fact that she was ready to talk back to him. "You blame me? Blame me all you want, but you were the one she was running from!" she stood up, hitting the mahogany table with open palms, feeling a slight pain from the movement. "Do you remember how it was last year and the one before...And the one before that and all of her live…" she grinded her teeth, she couldn't take the perfect picture they were creating, she couldn't take in anymore… "You are a bully, an asshole, and most of all a hypocrite!" her hands were in fists once more, and she felt the hate going through her, she hated him that was all, nothing more, only hate…She looked at her mother that was just sitting there, looking at the empty chair, the one that was once Fran's, her glass was empty, and she was holding the bottle now, not that the bottle had much in it… "YOU HAVE A SON! A BASTARD!" she took a step closer to him and looked him directly in his green eyes, she smiled "Yeah I know, I know all of it. I know how Fran came here the day she found out, it was her freshman year in college…You tried to dishonor her for having a BOYFRIEND THAT SAME YEAR…" she was yelling again, she took one deep breath, never taking her hazel eyes from his green, both pairs full with anger, but hers, hers were full with tears too "You…You have no right…No right to be angry at me…I was behind the wheel that night but you were the one that put us there!"she was crying now and hating the fact that she was showing weakness in front of him "We were…I was…We were leaving…Leaving all of this…YOU!" at first she didn't feel a thing, she only felt the move of her head from a hard hit and then…Then came the pain, she felt her right cheek burning with it and it gave her even more, more anger, more tears…She knew that was coming, she knew he would do just that, that was his solution to a problem, unfixable problem like Quinn…

"Leave! Leave now!" Judy's voice was strong and determent, but her eyes were showing the fear that she was trying to hide "Don't make me call the police, how would your campaign manager like the headline in the morning paper? Russel Fabray abuses his daughter? Or even Russel Fabray has a son outside of marriage?" she crossed her hands and looked at Quinn with a soft small smile.

"You'll regret this! Both of you" he looked at them furious, anger obvious in his movement and tone, but left the room and after a long ten minutes left the house…

"I meant to do that for years, but never had the courage…I'm so sorry honey" she looked at Quinn with all the love and concern that she had ever seen in her mother's eyes "You are right about him and I knew that, and…I just…I couldn't…But that night, when Fran…I had to…I'm sorry it took so long for me to do it" Quinn looked at her and gave her a long reassuring hug "I didn't even unpack his things" a harsh laugh followed her words and Quinn smiled to it. She was happy that she wasn't the only one…The only one what? She didn't really know, maybe the only one who didn't want him here, or who didn't want to pretend that everything was perfect, or the only one who saw who he really was…She was happy that her mother was there for her, that she chose her…

"Thank you" she whispered, now her mother was hugging her with a reassuring hand on her back, Quinn was crying again, but this time the tears were both from happiness and sadness "She would have been proud of us!" she said pulling back from her mother's arms…

…. 


	2. Lord Tubbington Lies aka Chapter Two

**A.N.1: So I am now working on Chapter Three. I don't really know where the story is going I'm just folowing my muse. I guess at the begining the chapters are going to be coming out every few days, but at some point that would change because my semester is going to start this monday...**

**A.N.2: I want to hear all of you're opinions about the story, even the bad ones it would be a big help for me :)**

**P.S: I have another Fic that I am going to work on too! Not abondaning it!**

**Important: English is a secong languege for me, so please exuse my mistakes :) **

* * *

><p>She woke up like every other morning, from a nightmare. It was something she had grown used to, so it didn't really suppressed her, what did that was the fact that she had a longer than usual sleep, like three hours instead of two but yeah it was something. She got up from her soft, welcoming bed and headed for her bathroom, the plus to her lack of sleep was the opportunity to have long shower, she had some hours before school so she wasn't in a hurry.<p>

Showering with so much hot water and for so long that there was no more left was something that made her day better that anything. She smiled at the reflection looking at her in the mirror, for her first day as a junior she chose not to care so much, she was a new woman, she was changing and that meant not being the head bitch of the school…Actually that was going to be the hard part, but she left those thoughts for later…She looked good in her tight black jeans, a white one shoulder shirt with some red on it, white Skytop Supras and some red accessories, her black leather jacket was short and perfect, she took it off and looked at the time, she still had some left. One last look at the mirror and she was gone, going to the kitchen to prepare some breakfast, she craved pancakes so she made some, left some for her mom and she was yet again left with too much time to kill…

_Dear Diary today is a whole new day, I am feeling better than before and a part of me is happy to be back at Lima. So you kind of missed that part…Long story short I guess?_

_As you know we moved from Laguna Beach CA to New York, it was quite the move but we lived there only a year. Fran moved to Cambridge MA to start her freshman year in Harvard and we moved to Lima, Ohio for Russel's job or something. We lived there or actually here for only a year again and then moved to Boston._

_I was just a freshman here, but that didn't stop me from rising to the top. So during that first year I became a Cheerio and then earned the captain's place I even had a boyfriend and some friends, it was all new to me, it was the first time that I had to climb the social ladder without Fran next to me to push me, hide me, help me. I was on my own and it was scary, I was scared to go back to that girl that was bullied, that was tormented every day and had no friends, had no one, so I became a bitch to everyone. I chose myself before others and now…Now I hate myself for it…So yeah, now that I'm back I have the chance to change that._

_We moved at the beginning of the summer after freshman year, so "we would be closer to Fran". But truth was that my brother was here in Lima, is here._

_Yeah…About that story, remember what I told you about the other night? Yeah…So my father moved us from NY to Ohio to deal with his illegitimate son, during that time Fran was dating some guy that had a brother in our father's campaign office, so when my dear old daddy found out Fran had a boyfriend that she was living with and he didn't approve of he decided to dishonor her if she continue on "that path". Some stuff happened and Fran found out his little secret so she chose to use it against him, mostly because he had forbidden her to see me, and he had no chose but to gave in so when the summer started in his defeat he seeked punishment for Frannie and we moved to Boston…_

_I am…_

_I'm not able to tell the rest of the story…Sorry…It's just still too hard…But…_

_Yeah…_

_You know what…I'm going to tell you parts of it every now and then…Maybe that would be easier? Hope so…_

She left her diary on the bookshelf and took her jacket and messenger bag looking at the clock. "Mom I'm going to school, there are pancakes in the kitchen!" she yelled knowing that her mother was still asleep. The school was further than the mall so she had no intentions on using her car, she just couldn't handle all the stress and panic it brought to her every time she even looked at it, so instead she headed to the garage and left for school with her motorcycle. It wasn't much, kind of old and scratched, but she felt safer on it than in a car…So yeah…Fist day of school…Time to face old memories and people she ignored for the past year…More than a year…

The looks didn't bother her, what bother her was the whispering. It made her on edge, it made her want to punch someone, but she was keeping herself calm, she was masking all those feelings, not because she was afraid to show them, but just because she didn't really want to. There was no one in this parking lot or school who deserved to know anything about her, or who she was now, or at least she hadn't found that someone yet. She saw the unfamiliar faces and some familiar that just looked at her like she was a ghost…_Yeah this was going to be a long day_…She walked away from her motor and to the entrance of the school. She was pretty unlucky because the only free spot for her was all the way back and that required her to go through the whole parking lot with all those eyes on her…She was happy that she brought her headphones and they were enough to help her shut of the whispering.

Quinn expected some hate from all the people she had tormented and the friends she left without a word, she expected harsh words, even a slushy or two, she deserved all of that, as a cheerleader she was awful to her friends, to Finn who was the sweetest guy, to Puck, to all the people in this school…Yeah she deserved all of the whispering, words and torment coming her way…So following this train of thought you can assume that there was one thing she didn't expect and that was the smiling blonde running into her for a big breath taking hug.

Quinn's headphones felled off as their bodies collided; she was extremely surprised by the hug and didn't really respond to it. "You are alive!" Britt screamed and hugged her again whispering in her ear something about Lord Tubbington being a liar "I knew you were, but he kept saying that you weren't" Britt was now holding her hand and pulling her towards the Cheerios. Quinn smiled; the other blonde had always been the one spark of love and purity in this mainstream school.

"Britt" Quinn stopped moving, not really desiring to go to the Cheerios, especially now that the football team was there too. So there were too many people she had just left like that… "We can hang out later, but now I have to go" the other girl stopped moving and turned back to face Quinn, she was sulking.

"Promise you won't disappear again" she said and was now holding her pinky towards Quinn, she seemed so serious and that made her look like a cute little puppy. Quinn smiled brightly and intertwined her pinky whit Britt's "I promise Britt" she said seriously and the other girl was now smiling too "Ok, see you later!" and with those words the other blonde started walking towards her squad.

She felt the need to run now, she was prepared for all of the things that can happen except one…The wrath of Santana Lopez, that was the one thing she didn't want to deal with…Guess Quinn was lucky because San was nowhere to be found…She looked around for one more last time and continued walking, she had to take her class schedule and then be the new kid once again, or new/old kid? Okay this was way too confusing…What was she suppose to be? Everyone here knew her as the head Cheerio, a bitch, a celibacy club president, the quarterback's girlfriend, and then his best friend's. Everyone in McKinley High had probably assumed all of the wrong things that could possible happen to her after her sudden disappearance so yeah…She wasn't really sure where she was standing with the student body here and she wasn't sure if she really wanted to know, but as it was in this high school she probably didn't have any other choice.

"Ms. Brown I'm here for my class schedule" she smiled at the woman behind the counter that looked at her with a stunned expression. The rumor mill in McKinley High usually never missed anyone, no matter if you are a loser or popular, a teacher or a student, if there were rumors about you everyone was going to know them even if they didn't want to. Back in the days Quinn used to like that, it gave her even more power, and she liked to use that power…Yeah she was all in the Dark Side of the Force, but you know, even Darth Vader changed so she could do it too…Maybe?

_Ok, what's up with you and all this Star Wars reference thing?_ Her inner voice asked and she smiled to herself, before she would never even admit that she liked that movie, the whole saga actually, now she didn't care.

"Here you go." She gave her a few pages and some stuff to sign and smiled to her politely, showing no interest to continue the conversation.

"Fabray!" Ok that voice…Yeah that voice she hated more than almost everything. It made her on edge, it brought the bitch in her way to fast and she didn't like it, but it was a defense she had grown used to the year she had spent here. "Coach." She answered calmly, and pretending that she didn't had a care in the world, showing only a soft smile and no interest in the fowling conversation. "It's Principal now. Principal Sylvester. "Sue said obviously happy about the title and how it sounded. She took Quinn's schedule right from her hands and started looking at it "So no Cheerios, mm? You afraid you can't get your spot back?" she smiled cruelly with a challenging look. Quinn knew that her old self would jump for that challenge immediately, hell her new her wanted to, but she didn't, she just smiled back, as nicely as she can, and took back the few papers that determent the rest of her semester.

"Not interested in that anymore" She said and walked past Sue, not looking back, not stopping, she just continue walking to her first class…Yeah…She already hoped that the confrontations thing would stop for today, but that was probably not happening, after all McKinley was a small school…So…Yeah…

Calculus was boring, uneventful…And who the hell puts calculus as first period on a Monday? It's like hell on Earth…Quinn usually liked it but not with Mrs. Bletheim, she made it so boring that the blonde had to fight sleep in her sleep…It was a whole Inception thing going on in her head…But there was a plus! There was no one familiar in this class, first it was AP, second it was a shitty class…It was a Monday after all…Glad that it was over she gathered her things and was first out of the door, being all ninja like she tried to avoid any contact with old friends or "enemies" and sneaked, hid, or even pretended to be busy reading…It worked, so that was good…But it worked till lunch came and she had a chose to make…Go to the cafeteria, eat poison food and be the center of attention or just skip that and go to the library to do some ninja reading, so it was an easy choice.

The library was small but empty as always there wasn't even a librarian in it, not many students came here, most didn't even know it existed, except when it was yearbook time…Ok shortly said it was like that room in Harry Potter that appeared only when needed, the difference was that you forget about the existence of the library after you leave it, it was like magic. _We are such a geek Fabray…_That inner voice of hers didn't missed the opportunity to point out something obvious, so she just ignored it and started browsing through the books in the fantasy section.

"Rumors are true!" a harsh voice announced behind her and the blonde jumped to the sound of it, she didn't expect this particular confrontation to happened now, today, at least not here, and she was doing such a great job as a ninja…Damn… "You are alive, good to know." She felt the presence of the voice just behind her, the smell of tropical flowers that you may associate with anyone else but this person…No, this person…She was…Unexplainable…"It's not like you would text back or call, or even use mail." The harsh tone was still there, but the voice was quiet, maybe a little hurt, but a hurt well covert by resentment…That was more painful than Quinn expected it to be…Yeah things had changed for her during the past year and more, she had changed, and now she was able to admit to herself the things she couldn't back then, back when she was just a freshman… "The bitch bit her tongue or is this you living up to your hair color?" now there was anger added to all the other emotions in her tone, Quinn couldn't find the power to look at her, to turn, to speak, it seemed impossible, it seemed…It seemed too painful to do so…She had no excuse, not a real one, not one she could say out loud. "What? Jesus took you bitchiness? I feel bad for the guy now…" Quinn felt two hands on both of her shoulders, she felt the worm body behind her, the warm touch of a palm to her naked shoulder…Damn it was a bad idea to leave her jacket in her looker…It was a bad idea to have one naked shoulder…

She felt the unwanted movement of her own body, she was now facing the raven black haired girl. Her hair had grown longer or she had grown it longer, she was also taller and more muscular, her body was perfect, it was like looking at a sculpture sculpted from…The blonde didn't knew from who, because there was no talent good enough to create such perfect beauty, so yeah, she was stunned just from that one glimpse of the girl, so she looked down, up, left, right, every where possible, but not in her, not to her, not her…She couldn't look at her…Nope!

"So you are not talking to me?" a harsh laugh came from the soft full lips of the Latina. "Nothing new then" Quinn tried to move backwards, maybe escape, but she had seem to forgotten the fact that there was a huge stack of shelves full with books, just behind her. So she was quite surprised by the rough and hard surfaces touching a part of her naked neck and one of her blade-bones. Santana seemed to notice her intentions and stepped forward moving her hand so Quinn would be looked between shelves of books and the Latina. "There's one thing I don't get" with her free hand Santana moved Quinn's chin so they would be facing each other, and that made Quinn even more frozen than before…Meeting those dark chocolate eyes, full with so much emotion. Emotions that broke Quinn and all of her existence, she was now nothing…She was the cause of all those emotions, the hurt, the anger, the pain, the resentment, she was the reason Santana felt them, and now the blonde hated herself for ignoring the Latina, for being afraid…_Just like now, great work you doing with the change thing_…That inner voice, always stating the obvious once again…

Santana was studying her, every movement, every breath, waiting for Quinn to fight back, the blonde could see it in her posture, in her eyes. "Not a Jesus lover anymore, not a Cheerio…It's the middle of lunch and you haven't even tried a little to climb the social ladder. Why?" _That's what was bugging her? Me not trying to steal her place, her power?_ Quinn frowned at the thought…_I can't blame her for that, I wasn't much of a friend back then and after I left…__**More like an enemy**_…Her inner voice was right again…Okay…It was time for Quinn to speak, to say something…She was acting like a fool, and like a scary little kid…She wasn't that person anymore…No more of that…

"I have no interest in being like that again." She said her voice calm and steady, totally opposite to her racing heart and mind. She saw the surprise in San's face and eyes the Latina hadn't expected a response, or at least not that response…

"I don't believe that for a second Quinn Fabray" the use of her whole name woke chills all over her body it felt good hearing it from Santana, and most of all it felt even better now that her tone was calm as well. "That's…" she didn't had the opportunity to finish her sentence because they both jumped at the sound of a door opening and closing, footsteps coming their way. They realized how close their bodies were actually and Santana moved back, giving Quinn the opportunity to turn and run or walk away…She didn't, she turned towards Santana…

"I am sorry for what I did, I am sorry for who I was, I regret it all." She said looking in her eyes, she didn't have time to explain everything, but she was not going to just walk away on her friend, not again…No, she was not that person anymore! "I can apologies my whole life to you, but we both know that that is not going to work with you, and we both know that you are not going to give me a chance so easily" she took a deep breath, because she was talking as fast as it was possible for her, and as fast as it was possible for Santana to understand but not be able to interrupt, and as fast as it was possible so that she can finish the talk they were having before the stranger that enter the room finds them…

"I am sorry San!" a rogue tear came down her face, and she was fast to get rid of it "I'm trying to change, to become better. I don't give a fuck about social status, or Cheerios, or rumors…" the steps were closer now "Give me a chance to explain everything, it's not an excuse but at least you'll see I have a reason to change, that I am trying" She stepped backwards once again and was ready to turn towards the exit, when her turn was interrupted by a tall woman…

"Britt!" she screamed in surprise and concern. Quinn was fast enough to be able to catch the hand of the other blonde and pull her back on her feet when she lost balance. "Are you okay?" she asked and the other girl just smiled and hugged her.

"Hi!" she said with voice full of happiness and excitement "I'm perfect!" she smiled even brighter and that smile was contagious because both San and Quinn were smiling now. "I was worried about San, she comes here only for her…"

"Nothing to be worried about" San interrupted her and that made Quinn slightly curies, but the feeling slowly faded away "We were just catching up" She looked at Quinn and smiled, for the blonde's surprise it wasn't a fake smile but a sincere one, true one.

"Lunch's over" Quinn announced as the bell ranged "I have to go Britt, I have AP Bio with Mr. Pierre and he…He doesn't like people to be late" She smiled and hugged the other blonde.

"Come to glee after school!" Britt yelled after her and Quinn turned her head and smiled softly ready to say no, she actually was thinking about it but there were too many familiar people there and she wasn't ready for some of them…_You mean we are not ready to spend so much time with both exes, Santana and Rachel in a closed and not so big room? _Yep that voice was always right. "Promise me, please Quinn" And now Britt was looking like a sad puppy…First no one can say no to that face it was too adorable, second if you somehow manage to do it Santana would probably kill you, so Quinn opened the library door and before she headed out she turned to face the two girls.

"Okay, see you after school then" _Singing was fun and we are changing, so this is the right thing to do, no more running away…_She thought as she exited the library, kind of exited to perform again. But she was also afraid…She was going to face all of the people that she left here, those she cared about and those that hated her and she tormented, she was going to face them all…At once…That…That was a scary thought.

Somehow the whole confrontation thing seemed better now, because at least it was one person at a time…Ok, she had to go through all that, she had no chose in the matter so fear was…It was something she had to ignore.

…


	3. Alien Quinn aka Chapter Three

**I just finished this chapter and I haven't even started the next one and it's not really checked for mistakes…I usually write about 1 000 words for the next one before posting, so the next is going to be up later than usual. I just started my fist semester, first year and I have some medical stuff + school + driver license (here you need to be 18 to get one of those ;d ) and I too have to socialize so yeah ;d;d**

** I am thinking about a little time jump like a week or so? And I'm not sure about doing a Santana POV too so what do you think? Please respond :) Okay good night, hopefully you'll hear from me in a few days ;)**

**Don't own Glee or any characters, don't own the song too it's by Bastille - Albatross...I own the story it's part of my own life and part of my imagination so yeah :)**

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><p>She looked through the small window on the door. Everyone was already inside, even Mr. Schue, who had the habit to be late. Almost nothing had changed with the New Directions. There were a few new faces and two or three switched seats, for instance Santana and Britt weren't sitting together, and instead Britt was on the middle row, sitting next to a blonde muscular guy. Quinn couldn't see his face but knowing Brittany he was probably hot. Next to Santana was Mercedes and they seemed to be having some sort of a discussion, Kurt was a part of it from his place next to the diva and another new face next to him. Quinn noticed that the only free chair was on the other side of Santana, so she was once again fighting with herself about going in there…<p>

Her eyes met Brittany's, she had looked to the door countless times since Quinn was standing here, but this was the first time she noticed her. The other blonde smiled and gave her a reassuring nod, she seemed so happy to see her and it was enough to make the fight inside of the blonde stop…Quinn took one last look through the small window, a long breath followed, she was determent not to cry anymore there was enough of that going on for the last two days, but she could already feel the tears, the limb in her throat, the fast beating of her heart…Those people…All of them…They were nice to her, they gave her more than anyone in her life. They were like family, but she was awful to them for that one year…She made it hell for them, and they were still next to her till the end, she wasn't sure if there was a chance for them to accept her once more, but she was willing to try…After all she had made a promise…

Quinn Fabray opened the door that lead to the room and group of people that were going to change her life forever. The squeak it made caught the attention of few people and their shocked gasps made everyone look her way. She heard the quiet "OMG"s, she saw the wide eyes, she felt the stares…That young Quinn that they knew would have loved all that attention…But she…She hated it, she wanted to shrink herself and hide under the piano…It was like Britt knew how she felt, it was like she could read her thoughts because as soon as she looked at the door thinking about running away the other blonde was there, next to her, hugging her with a soft smile and taking her hand into hers.

"Quinn!" Mr. Schue said with a smile, finally thrown out of his shocked frozen state by Santana clearing her throat. Quinn gave her a fast smile and turned her attention to the teacher on her right.

"Hi" she said looking at him and then at the whole group.

"Where have you been girl?" Mercedes asked immediately. It didn't surprise Quinn at all, after all she and Kurt were the rumor mill's life force.

"Boston" she answered, not really wanting to lie, there was no point in it.

"So you're back? For good?" Rachel's voice was breaking. She seemed stressed, surprised, worried and maybe a little happy? But what stunned Quinn the most was the humongous change in Rachel's looks, style and…Just all of her was different, she now seemed like someone with a fashion sense with her tight black jeans, bare shoulders sweater and high leather boots. She looked hot and comfortable with herself, full with confidence. Quinn actually couldn't keep her eyes from scanning her small figure.

"If it's up to me, yeah." She answered finally starting to feel more calm and relaxed. She looked at Santana and their eyes met. There was nothing in hers, she seemed uninterested about anything that was happening around her, but she was looking at Quinn, she was looking at her even before the blonde looked back. This time Quinn didn't look away. The feeling of Britt's hand in hers made her feel safe, at home, so she felt bold as well "But it's not, so I don't really know"

"What happened to you?" And this was the part she was afraid of…This was the part she wanted to run from the most…She felt the pain in that voice, she felt the hurt, the anger, the feeling of betrayal…Quinn felt bad once again, she was the reason for all that…Britt squeezed her hand, and she looked at the taller girl with a smile, thankful for her being there. She was the only one that didn't need answers from her. Quinn knew that Brittany was just that type of person. Someone you can count on no matter what!

"My dad" she felt a slight pain from her cheek, she knew there was a small bruise there, left from the other night. A painful reminder of an unforgettable night. She tried to ignore the pain and it was surprisingly easy to do so, maybe because her mind was too busy trying to answer questions as vaguely as possible or because of her nerves?

Puck wasn't happy with her answer he wanted more and it was clear to her, she looked at him, forcefully moving her eyes away from Santana. She hoped that he knew her good enough to understand that there were things she couldn't talk about in front of the whole club. His tense shoulders seemed to relax, he looked away and to Santana's direction, she gave him a reassuring nod and a smile. _So there's something going on there? _Curiosity awoken in her, and now all she could think about was the small exchange between San and Noah.

"Quinn" Mr. Schue waved his hand at all the sitting people and looked at her. It was his way of saying to them to leave her alone and give her some space. "Questions later!"" he said with some kind of exiting determination. "Are you here to join us again?" she looked at him. He hadn't changed at all. His hair was still curly and short with too much products in it, but he somehow manage to look good, his green eyes seemed full with more love and happiness than before, but he was the same old William Schuester. She nodded in response to his question and his smile grew wider. "Ok then." He clapped his hands and turned to the group of people "Why don't you introduce yourself to our new additions and then we can move on with this week's assignment"

"She should sing too" Quinn looked at the Asian girl next to Rachel. With her peripheral vision she could see Santana moving forward in her seat, like she was expecting a bitchy type of response from the blonde or a cat fight. Just how bad Santana thought she was? She wasn't going to get it thou…Quinn smiled at the girl and nodded in agreement. Mr. Schue gave her "the room" and sat down. Britt also left her, to sit next to the blonde boy that was having a heated discussion with the guy next to Kurt. Quinn was getting kind of curious to how he looked, as she seemed to always miss his face.

"My name is Lucy Quinn Fabray" she started, for the first time not ashamed from her first name. Before it was a bad reminder of who she was, as now her second name was the same reminder. She was never meant to be only Lucy, or only Quinn, she was both, so she introduced herself as both. "I prefer Quinn thou" she smiled at the group, all of them looking at her, but she was looking at Santana or Puck, changing between the two of them, trying to show them that she was different now. "I'm originally from Laguna Beach, CA. I studied here freshman year and I was a part of the first New Directions." She looked at Brad, who was still the glee club's pianist and then to the band. Some of the guys were different and the band itself looked bigger than before "I'm a junior, I like fantasy and sci-fi, I love reading and I have no idea what else to say about myself…So, yeah" she smiled and walked to the band whispering something to one of the guitarists. He gave her his acoustic guitar and helped her set a stool in the middle of the room. She took the seat thanking the boy and took a deep breath. She hadn't really sung in some time now, but it was like riding a bike, something you never truly forget. Quinn noticed that now the blonde boy seemed to deliberately hide his face from her and she wasn't really sure why he would do that. Did they know each other? Maybe he was someone from an old school? Now she was determent to find out!

She looked at Santana and started moving her fingers on the strings of the guitar, humming to the melody. She heard her own soft voice traveling through the room, she heard the lyrics that she knew by heart, that had become a part of her, that meant so much to her. It was a song for Santana, for Puck, for Rachel, for anyone in this room that knew her before, for herself…It was all she can do to reassure them that she wasn't that bitch anymore…  
><strong><br>"There's an albatross around your neck,  
>all the things you've said,<br>and the things you've done.  
>Can you carry it with no regrets?<br>Can you stand the person you've become?  
>Oooh there's a light!<strong>"

She felt the tears gathering in her eyes, but she forbid herself from crying…It was a song Fran loved, it was a song that was like a motto to her, but it was so much more than a song to her…It was a memory, and she put all the emotion she had, all that she was keeping, she put it all out there in that song, in that melody, and it helped her keep the tears out. She was now looking at her fingers, how they were moving on the strings, their soft movement, the sound that came from that movement, a sound that combined with her own voice, a voice she was happy that wasn't breaking from the now threatening to come out tears.

**"Your Albatross, let it go, let it go,  
>Your albatross shoot it down, shoot it down…"<strong>

Every line was special, every line meant something more to her, something more than just words, just lyrics…It was more that she could handle…It was a song she used to sing with Frannie it the car and the guitar reminded her of the lessons she took from Fran's boyfriend and how happy she was, they both were back then, how proud her sister was when she had finally learned a thing or two…

**"Stepping forward out into the day.  
>Shrugging off the dust and memory…"<strong>

The hardest part of losing someone you love is not wanting to let them go, to forget, to keep living, to go back…It's the regret, the guilt you feel…It's all those emotions and most of all the hole in your heart…A whole that no matter what you do is there, because it was a place meant only for that one person…It was hard to live with all those emotions, but it was the price of surviving…At least she owed Fran her best shot at trying to be better, she owed her that, she knew her sister would want that…

**"The weight of living"**

She repeated the line four times, stopping the movement of her fingers during the last one, so the music would fade away and her voice would be alone at the very end. She felt the wet streaks on her cheeks, left there by the tears she couldn't keep. She was fast to hide them and smile to the group that was now applauding her.

"Good job Quinn" Mr. Schue got up from the only empty chair next to San and moved to the white board. "So this week's assignment is going to be…" he started writing something on the whiteboard as Quinn took the seat he was just sitting in.

"Something confessional" Santana whispered in her ear and Quinn couldn't help but smile, the Latina was right "Nice song" she added and with that the girl turned her attention to the gossip mill next to her. Quinn was left alone with her thoughts, for the first time since the accident she felt empty in a good way. Her emotions, her pain, guilt, anger, there were all gone. She felt free, alive.

So Glee ended early, only half an hour after her coming back song, confession song? She didn't really know how to call it, it was a performance so yeah, maybe that? Now her real problem wasn't how to call what she did, but how to escape from Cedes…Okay she loved the girl and they had a few phone calls over that summer, she was actually the only person who knew she didn't just disappear, but truth to be told she was a gossiper and Quinn wasn't really sure where she stood with her, was she the new hot tropic or was she an old friend Cedes wanted to catch up with? Or maybe both…And what worried her most was the whole Boston thing, not that she cared about her reputation, but she didn't want to be the talk of the school for the whole year. So yeah it was going to be a big story all over the school if she ever told it, why you ask? All maybe because of her ex…

"You have a lot to catch up on" Mercedes was now behind the blonde with a big smile, she hugged Quinn like they haven't spent the last year not talking. She slipped her arm under the blonde's and pointed her in some unknown direction. "All of Glee club has gone upside down since you left." Mercedes started. You know most people would think that she was just that girl that was always talking about others and was the type to spread rumors, truth was that she kind of was, not really thou and most of all not when it came to Glee…So Cedes and Quinn had this weird friendship, it started with gossiping, evolved to Q hiding from her father at the diva's house and then to that same diva being the only person who knew she had a brother here in Lima…So yeah…This girl was the closest she ever got to a best friend, she was there for her and now Quinn knew that hadn't change. How she knew that you may ask, well she wasn't asking questions instead she was sharing information…You know it's a weird relationship, but yeah…It was a good one too. "Santana is a softie now, don't tell her I said that thou" she laugh and faked a scare expression, Quinn only smiled not able to imagine that, but on the other side San had been really good with her and not all Lima Heights "Rachel broke it off with Finn, found fashion, became a little bearable" Ok with that temp she was going to catch up with her lost year in a hour or two "Mike is dating Tina, she is a year younger than us, the girl that made the request for you to sing" So there was not really any gossip and Quinn was actually happy about it. "Kurt is dating Blaine and there are the best couple ever!" she explained obviously shipping the two boys and Quinn guessed that Blaine was the young Superman with fashion next to Kurt. "And…"

"And you left the whole gangster style" Quinn finished for her, they were now at the parking lot and she noticed her lonely motorcycle. "I love you Cedes but I don't really what to know all that, I mean…I want to catch up but the right way" she started playing with her keys and just now realized her jacket and helmet were in her locker… "Damn…I have to go back" she pounded "I'll see you tomorrow!" she hugged the diva and walked back to the school entrance.

By the time Santana left the building there were no more cars on the lot, only one rusty bike and her own jeep. She actually hated the fact that she had to stay more than anyone it seemed unfair, but there was a plus, she finally got that solo she wanted! The Latina smiled proudly to herself and turned the engine of her car on, heading for the exit of the parking lot she noticed Quinn leaving the school…_Don't even think about it_…She opened the side window and yelled at the girl. "Tinkerbelle you wanna ride?" the other girl just smiled her way, that whole smiling thing was in a way weird for San, back in the days they were frenemies Quinn almost never smiled, she was serious all the time and Santana often found herself wondering what her smiles would look like, she knew the fake ones all too well, so she wondered about the happy, sad, true smiles and maybe a little about those special ones saved for the people she loved, the person she loved.

"Have one!" the blonde yelled back and at that moment San noticed the helmet in her hand. _Quinn Fabray and a bike? A real motorcycle? _The Latina found herself once again amazed, maybe the blonde had really changed, the question was how big was that change? A second later the bike was leaving and San followed closely behind…No she wasn't following her, like she wasn't stalking her, or something like that…Don't even think about it! She was heading home and as it seemed so was Quinn who was obviously living exactly three blocks away from Santana's house…Just perfect…

The blonde seemed to notice Santana and waved her to stop. The Latina rolled down her window on the passenger side of the jeep, or in her case pushed the button. "So how may I help you Ms. Officer?" she asked with a wicked smile. She was in a really good mood for an unknown reason. No. It wasn't because of the blonde, nope, no way…

"That the best you got?" she returned the smile "Wanna hang out?" she asked and looked at the big house behind here, which seemed to be empty.

So here comes the truth, she wanted to say yes, to get out of her jeep and inside that house, alone with Quinn…She wanted to do a lot of stuff and…Yeah that wasn't new, it was there since freshman year and Q knew it, she knew the whole story. Back then San felt as a freak not because she was having those feeling for a girl, but because that girl would never returned them and she knew it…She knew Quinn Fabray wasn't like that, wasn't into girls, but there was flirting, there was…There were all those little things and Santana stayed hopeful that maybe, just maybe she would have a chance…So she wanted to say yes, but she couldn't really do it…She knew that one day was enough for her to fall back into the bottomless pit that were her feelings for the blonde…

"Ok." She finally said…It seemed she couldn't run from this or even say a simple no…

"Perfect" the blonde smiled and walked to the house waiting on the porch for Santana to come

"Okay Blondie how long have you been living here" she asked as she entered the huge house that was old school style outside and inside. Everything seemed like it was there for years, like that was its place, there were no signs of someone moving here recently, but knowing Q's mom it was normal, she was perfect at making a home seem like…A home? Yeap!

"A week or so. I'm not really sure" she answered and walked them to the kitchen. She started picking stuff from the fridge. "Water and more cheese less meat" she murmured to herself and Santana smiled. For someone else that sentence alone would make Q seem crazy, but for her it made perfect sense. Back when they used to spend the summers together or even back when they were just freshman Quinn would cook for her, yeah when they were younger it was small stuff but as they grew she started making more and more meals. Not that the blonde liked cooking, it was something that she learned because "a lady should be able to take care of her man" or some bullshit of that sort, but that made it all the more special to Santana, because Quinn did it only for her. She never cooked for her other friends, or even boyfriends, so it was a special memory, that seemed stupid to hang on to, but she did.

"Don't you dare go all Rhoda on me!" Santana said and stepped back when Quinn took the hugest knife she had ever seen. The blond just smiled and left the knife only to get another, smaller. San was disappointed that she didn't really say anything, that movie was their thing. It was one of the memories she cherished and loved, but Quinn seemed to have forgotten all about it…

"Don't you ever dare mention that movie to me! I still hate you about it!" the blonde laughed and pointed the knife at San after a few minutes of using it. It had cheese on it and San couldn't help the smile.

"We were like ten, what fault do I have for not knowing better?" she asked and started walking after the blonde that was now leading her through the dining room and to some door "Ok, I am not going in the basement with you! I prefer myself alive" she raised her hands as in surrender, but it was more like an imaginary defending wall.

"So you're not coming to my room?" the blonde laughed again and the sound made San's heart skip a few beats. Yeah she was going down that road again…"And why would you say that I'm Rhoda, she's more of a Rachel kind of girl!" Q said now looking offended but she seemed to be fighting a smile.

"She's blonde" San explained like it was the most obvious thing in the world "And the only female killer I could think of" she shrugged and looked at the stairs leading down with caution.

"Santana Lopez is of her game" the faked surprise expression on Quinn's face made San laugh too "The stairs don't bite" the blond was now nowhere to be seen, she had gone downstairs and was probably somewhere in the room.

"Rachel has changed a lot since you last knew her" she started walking down slowly, not really sure what to expect. "And as it seems you have gone cuckoo living in a…" she was stunned. The basement was more like a smaller floor. After the stairs ended she was greeted by a big open space with only three other doors, one just next to the end of the closed by a wall stairs, one on the wall facing them, and the last one on the same wall but a few meters away. The rest of the space was separated by big bookcases full with movies, books, games, pictures and all other types of stuff. There was a big couch facing a wall and on the wall a huge TV hooked to different consoles, there was a desk with a computer under it, a monitor on it, a laptop and more books and stuff like figures from movies and games. Everything was either light green or graphite black, but the room was pretty colorful from all the artwork, posters and so many different types of stuff. There was a corner full with instruments, another place dedicated to boxing maybe? There were surfs, snowboards, skateboards on walls…Okay the place was really weird but in a way amazing…The last thing San noticed was Quinn's huge bed that was barely seen by the biggest of the bookcases. It was hidden in a smaller part of the basement… "Okay it's been like a year, not…A whole new life…Right?" San was truly stunned by what she was seeing. She knew Quinn for years and they practically spent every summer together…Yeah she knew about the surfboarding and skating but it was something the blonde left when she was around twelve maybe, the reading wasn't news too, but all the other stuff…Those were definitely something new…

"Some of the stuff I came back to, some are new, some were hidden because I used to think that they weren't right for "a lady"" she shrugged and walked to the couch turning one of the consoles "Gaming was always a thing btw, but my dad forbid it."

"You live in a basement that is like a small apartment, you ride a motorcycle, dress like a teenager…" Santana stopped to study the blonde's face. She seemed too busy choosing a game "Okay alien! Where is Quinn and what have you done to her!" She smiled and took one of the controllers. A part of her was happy that this new Quinn seemed so much more open and she seemed more relaxed. She remembered how on edge was the blonde before, and how she always seemed to be worried if something she's doing is wrong…

Quinn laughed again and started some game for two. They were going to play against each other. "Life took care of that scared Quinn" she explained even thou she seemed complete concentrated on the game, they were fighting controlling some huge guys. "My mom kicked Russel out" she said in between punches "Fran died because of me" her face was unmoved by the statement but San could see the pain in her eyes and she felt the need to hug her. She paused the game and looked at the blonde. "No…Don't…Don't say anything. I'm not fine, but I am going there and I'm not ready to talk about it" she explained "Let's just find our rhythm back, let's play, talk, but not about the past year…Please…" San nodded and started the game. She had so many questions, but most of all she wanted to be there for the girl…That was her biggest problem…She was way too forgiving when it came to Quinn…Just like that she didn't even care that the blonde ignored her for the past year and some…It was that simple for her when it came to that one person…


	4. See you later aka Chapter Four

**Hi! So here's the new chapter. Opinions? Thanks :)  
><strong>**Hopefully next one will be a week from now…I have some stuff to take care of but I should be free to write during the day and late nights/early mornings :)**

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><p><em>Dear Diary…What can I tell you…I'm not sure if this, if I can really admit this but…Yeah…So…Santana Lopez is sleeping in my bed…Ohh no, stop that dirty thinking…Both of you! Man you and my mind are really dirty…So San is sleeping and she seems so peaceful and the opposite of a dangerous raging Latina, but now that I think about it she seems different now, mature and calm, so that would explain the peaceful thing…<em>

_Truth to be told I want to kiss her, to be next to her in that big bed and have her in my arms, to be with her as more than just friends…Truth to be told I wanted that since…I don't know…Freshman year? Maybe even before that…_

_There is a secret I never shared with you…Since I was just a toddler I used to spend every summer in Florida, back where my grandma used to live. So one summer I met San. We were just kids then and we were practically forced to spend time together since our grandmas where really close friends. At the beginning we hated each other, I hated her mostly because she reminded me of the bullies back at home and she just answered to that hate with her, even for then, typical word venom._

_As time passed that first summer we actually started liking each other and soon summer was my favorite thing in the whole world…We actually made a promise that every summer we would go back and spent it together. So every summer we would see each other and hang out, always ignoring the fact that three other seasons had passed. It was like we never left our little summer paradise…_

_We knew practically nothing about the other one, we never shared, and we never talked about our lives back in the world. There was no need for it. We just needed the other one to be there. So…_

_Here comes the part where I'm a bitch once again…_

_That summer that Fran helped me change was the first summer ever where I saw that look in San's eyes. When she saw me and looked at me with those full of dark chocolate orbs I remember my heart skipping, singing, making me feel like I was flying and of course I got scared by that feeling. It was a feeling that boys should have awaken in me, but it wasn't a boy that did…It was a gorgeous Latina…The whole summer I thought about kissing her, feeling her soft lips against mine, feeling her hands on my skin or seeing her smile at me, whispering that she loves me…I wanted to stay away from her, to escape the feeling that was so "wrong" by the believes of my parents, but I really couldn't do it…It was like ripping a part of my heart and stepping on it…So it was both one of my best summers and my worst…_

_When next summer came I was fearless…Yeah I had thought about her during the whole year and I dreamed about seeing her, about spending our summer before High school started together…Maybe it was the hormones or something? But that summer we practically spent it making out, you know that whole "it's just for practicing, so we could be better for the boys" thing…Back then I wanted to believe that it was only that for me…But I knew it wasn't, and I actually accepted it…I thought that this was Santana, that she was so smart, gorgeous, kind and so much more, that it was impossible for me not to like her, but it was impossible for her to feel the same, and that made it ok in my head to spent the whole summer "practicing"…_

_But as summer ends school starts and as we didn't talk about our real lives I didn't knew she was from Lima and she didn't knew I was moving there…We liked pretending that we lived in Florida, that we had our whole lives there…It was as I said a summer paradise and it was forbidden to talk about life outside of it…So I didn't know, she didn't know and it was the first day of school that we actually found out…_

Quinn felt her eyes closing. It was pretty late, but she wasn't really ready to go to bed. Yeah she wanted her sleep, but…She didn't really wanted to sleep in the same bed as San, not really sure of what could happen if she did…So she was just staying awake which now was proving to be extremely hard to do.

It was her idea after all, it was her idea for the Latina to stay the night. She was alone at home and it was late when they were done with playing games, so the words just came from her lips, so wanted and so unwanted at the same time…She wasn't sure what to do now…So she just decided to remember the past…If she could…If she could returned to that summer before freshman year…If she could…But she couldn't it was impossible and she had to deal with it…Deal with the fact that that same summer was the last time she had kissed Santana, the last summer she spent with Fran.

Quinn repeated her mantra once again, feeling the tears going down her cheeks. She had gotten used to the crying by now, but it didn't mean that she wanted to cry, who would?

"You ok Q?" the room was definitely darker than Quinn thought because the sleeping figure from her bed was now next to her wrapping her hands around the blonde's shoulders and pulling her closer. Not that she minded the warm body, the soft skin touching hers or the hands in her blonde hair…No she didn't mind any of it, she was just scared, first because she didn't really expected that to happen and second because it was happening…They were so close…She could feel San's warm breath against her neck…She felt chills all over her body, she didn't even had the power of speech…She lost that and it was showing no signs of returning… "I know we don't talk but…You know…" she pulled back just a little so their eyes would meet in the dark room "We could start" she smiled and whipped the tears from Q's cheeks with her warm fingers, cupping her face in the mean time.

"I want to…" she said her voice barely above a whisper "But I can't…I just…I'm not ready" she hid her face in the brunette's neck smelling the tropical fruit flavor coming from her whole body and hair. She felt the soft touch on her back. San was holding her without saying a word…They were just sitting there on the couch in a hug. The most intimate of all and yet so innocent, so true, so supportive, so…So much more…

And it was with the memory of that hug that Quinn woke up. When she did, she was alone in her room, a warm blanket around her body and a note saying only "See you later"…Those were the words they used back when it was the end of summer, and they knew the next time they see each other will be in a year...Both girls didn't want to admit that it was a long time so they would just say "See you later" as a promise that no matter what happens they would see each other again, never really saying goodbye.

_Dear Diary it's been a week since I came back to school, since that day with San, since I last wrote to you…A week…Yeah…Not much happened during it, don't worry you didn't really miss anything interesting. A few confrontations maybe, nothing big…I don't know what I really expect to happened but everything seems to be working out just fine…Puck seems fine now, Santana seems ok too, Mercedes doesn't bug me about my past year, all the new glee kids are awesome, except that one guy that I haven't met yet…His sick or something like that…_

_So yeah, nothing much has happened in my live…So I thought I could continue telling you that story?_

_You kind of need to know it to understand the whole Puck thing…_

_Ok…_

_So…_

_Freshman year starts…I was afraid, I was confused, I missed Santana, I missed Fran and most of all I was unsure of myself…I had no idea what I wanted or what to do…I was on my own, no friends here, no big sister, no hot Latina and I panicked…I remember thinking "What am I going to do?" a hundred times during that first day…And then it came to me…An opportunity…Who was popular in a High School? Who was never tormented? A Cheerleader! So…Yeah I decided to become one even thou I didn't like it, or didn't even care about it…I just wanted someone next to me and what better than a whole team… I wanted security and what better than popularity…_

_And here I was…Standing in a gym and trying out for the squad, practically improvising the whole addition…But somehow I made it and Sue seemed to love me in her own weird way…I was a part of that squad and so was Britt and we became close that first day…As it seemed with an early admission so was Santana and with my luck she was also Britt's best friend…_

_It was the first day of practice and I was early and alone in the big gym, when I heard her voice for the first time or actually a gasp, but I recognized the sound…She was staring at me with an opened mouth, she seemed as surprised as I felt…The worst of that situation was that I wanted to kiss her so badly I could actually feel something pushing me towards her…But I fought it and just smiled…We didn't say anything because the other girls came in…Back then I was terrified…Terrified from my feelings towards her, from what she might have told her friends or from what she might expect from me, from us…So I ignored her during practice at the beginning but Britt was friendly and nice, and she wanted me to hang out with them…She was, is, the type of girl that you just can't say "no" to…So you see how it goes right?_

_We were forced into friendship once again and we both pretended that we were strangers…Why you may ask? So you know why I did it and San, she did it because she was hurt by my reaction, by my actions and she was also scared…_

_I was different from the girl she knew…Back in Florida I would talk about movies like Star wars, or games, music, tv shows, I would talk about surfing, skating…Back in Florida I would be me, or the best me that I could imagine…There, with her…All of it seemed like it was possible, like I could be that geeky, nerdy, but yet sporty girl that had way too many interests and she seemed to like it, to like me…Back there I felt free to express myself but this was High school, and it was freshman year, and that Quinn from then was afraid to show the real her to anyone, she was scared of ending up at the same place she was her whole life…So she decided that that her was just someone she created in Florida and she pretended to be…That Quinn decided to act more serious, more "cool", so I became a bitch…The bitch of the school actually…The Head Cheerio…And I started dating Finn…_

_So Finn was a sweet and goofy boy, he had potential to become more in this school and I saw that as an opportunity to seek more power…Yeah freshman year I was that girl that is obsessed with popularity and her reputation…And dating Finn was all about that…There were no feeling even thou I tried to lie to myself about it…There was nothing…_

_Few weeks in the year Glee started and Finn became a part of it and he had a crush on Rachel which made me mad and aggressive…I started tormenting the kids in the New Directions, of course I used the football team to do so, never actually throwing a slushy at someone, but that didn't made it better…I was becoming that girl…I was becoming the same as my tormenters and I started hating myself for it…To cover the hate, to escape the constantly growing feeling for Santana I had to do something…_

_It was at one of Puck's big parties…He came to me to talk about San…He seemed tipsy and he had a whole six pack with him to get even more drunk…I remember him sitting next to me and drinking, giving me a beer and talking about Santana…I even remember his words…_

_"I know her since we were just babies…I've never seen her happier that the moment she realizes summer has started and more miserable the moment she realizes it had ended…" I remember starting my drink during this point…He was looking at me and I knew his eyes were going right into my soul "She used to get that spark, some special spark in her eyes at the beginning of every summer" he took another long sip that made me want to punch him…I felt stuck, like a caged animal…I had no idea why was he telling me all this… "She got it again the first time she saw you here…And then…It was just gone after that…" he knew and I panicked… "You…She…You're so in lo…" before he could finish I kissed him…I kissed him and he was too drunk to think about how wrong all this was…Santana was his best friend, Finn was his best friend…We were betraying them both, but he was too drunk to know right from wrong…I wasn't…_

_I was sober enough to know that this was wrong…I slept with Puck that night…I regretted it for so long…It was actually poisoning me…Now…Now I just see it as the turning point in my life._

_It was that night that I started to accepted that boys weren't really my thing, but I was still the Head Bitch and that meant that being gay was impossible with too many consequences to pay…I chose to sacrifice my feelings for Santana for the sake of my own popularity, in the meantime I was hurting her, hurting Finn, hurting Puck's friendships…And all of that for my own selfishness…_

_So long story short…That school year Finn and Puck ended up fighting each other because of me, Finn started dating Rachel after that and they were madly in love or something…Given the fact that I joint Glee to keep them apart it didn't really bother me, Puck and I ended up together and the worst part was that I knew I can't love him and yet I kept giving him hope and he became a good guy for me, the guy to open my door, that guy that looks at you like you're a goddess…He was the perfect guy, he even tried not to cheat on me…So I would have loved him…I could have loved him…If only I wasn't in love in Santana…_

_She was hurt the most, back then I didn't accepted the fact that she liked me the way I like her, even thou it was painfully obvious so I was still in denial, but a part of me knew how much I was hurting her by being with Puck…She started dating or sleeping with Britt by that time…And that was the thing that bothered me the most…It was painful as hell…_

_So… I made a mistake…_

_Near the end of the school year…Pff…Near the end of it…Ok…So…I kind of made out with someone else…_

_It was wi_

"Quinn, honey!" her mother's voice was clear and loud. The blonde smiled still happy from the fact that her father was nowhere to be seen also the diary thing seemed to help her emotional state "There is a boy looking for you!" she yelled again and Quinn left her diary on the bed, her story still unfinished, going upstairs. She wasn't really sure who to expect…Puck had his little confrontation with her and they were fine now…Now he was fine and in love and faithful…Who would have guessed that…Not her…And Finn had moved to another school…Basically all the boy drama was taken care of and there was no one she could think of…

_Hey…Maybe it's that guy that does all those interview stuff , the perverted that is mad about Rach…_She thought as she was walking through the big house. She really didn't care who it was, but there was nothing else to think about right now. _Blame it on the hair_. She laughed. _Nice, now I'm laughing to my own jokes…_She opened the massive wooden door…

One look was enough to still her breath away from her lungs…She was officially suffocating…

"Hay" he said shyly, shrugging his shoulders. He was taller than Quinn with a shiny blonde hair and familiar green eyes. He was wearing a letterman jacket…He was wearing a McKinley letterman jacket… "Sam I am" he made a try at impersonating Yoda and the other blonde smiled finally being able to breathe…"So…I was like…I thought…You know I wanted to meet you…And…I…You know I'm your…" he was nervous if you didn't caught that from the rambling so was Quinn…Because yeah…She knew who he was, all she knew it very well…He even looked like him in a small way.

"My brother" she finished for him, to break the awkward and short silence between them. He seemed surprised from the words, like he was expecting me to know, but not really sure if I did. "I saw a picture of you once" she explained and smiled again. "So…Hay" they looked at each other for some time, not able to talk…This was weird but not because it was awkward…No it was weird because they both felt at ease with the other one, like they had known each other for like forever or something.

"I saw you first day in Glee…" it was his time to explain "And I heard my mom talking to your…our…Russel on the phone about you knowing…So…I thought…You know…" he looked away, somewhere in the distance. He seemed to regret something…Probably making the decision to come here with no preparation or whatever…

"I know" he looked at her, now smiling too. She could feel, hear, sense…Use whatever term you like, but she could hear Fran saying something about relaxing, chilling a little so she decided to do what her sister would have done…Act like this was no different than everyday life… "Do you have time? We could go to my room, play some games?" she offered and opened the door so he could enter. In nowadays you could say that she dealt with her problems and emotions through video games…Yeah that one was new for her, but she liked that she could destroy her pain, aggression, doubts, surprise and more other through kicking some alien or human but in Mass Effect or mythical creatures in God of war, or just fighting some guy from Naruto…

"Cool" he entered and followed her downstairs, talking about games he liked and movies "You have the best room ever" he smiled widely at all the posters and her little console heaven, at the different boards, at her movie collection…

With that all the tension was gone, all the fear or any other emotion different from happiness…All of them were gone and they were just free to talk about likes and dislikes, about life, school, childhood.

They talked for hours.

"I skate and I like snowboarding, but surfing…Yeah not a fan of the ocean after Jaws" he said as he was pushing almost all of the controller's buttons "I know a few tricks, but I'm better at football" he didn't even look at her when he talked, they were both busy beating the life out of each other, in game of course "And you? I know you were a cheerleader here."

"YES!" Quinn yelled and started dancing, she was the unbeaten champion. Ok Santana won a lot of games yesterday but that was totally unfair…She was distracting Quinn with her gorgeousness and the brunette didn't even knew what she was doing…It didn't count! _Yeah tell yourself that…Shut up! You're talking to yourself again…_She could hear the laughing in her head…Yeah she was going crazy…"A yeap I was, buuuuuuuuut only for a year here and then I started with swimming" she answered starting a new game. "I love it, but…Wait does McKinley have a swimming team?" she was feeling confused till this moment she haven't even thought about it.

"Um yeah I think so" he was now once again concentrated on the fight. "If you love something you do it" he said and paused the game to go get a drink from the mini fringe "You should have a party here, it would be epic!" Sam seemed to have already started planning for it.

"Nah it's Puck's thing" she unpaused the game and started punching Sam's guy almost killing him, before the blonde boy could take control over him again.

"Cheater! "He laughed and bit his lip in a desperate attempted to save his life…It didn't work and Quinn laughed evilly like a cartoon villain. "You could ask him to do it. You know if you want" he looked at the clock and Q could see the disappointment on his face… "I have to go…Sorry" he seemed like a kid that had his candy stolen.

"Sounds like a plan" she said and walked with him to the door, silence falling between them, like it was the last time they were going to talk "We have to do this again" she hugged him, and yeah it was awkward but both of them seemed to like it "You're my little brother" she smiled at him, it was a statement, it was a reassurance that they were going to grow closer.  
>….<p>

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><p><em><em>  
><em><strong>SANTANA'S POV<strong>_

"Hey stranger" she felt the warm hand on her naked shoulders, the chill going through her body and that immediate smile on her face, that spark that was only for that one person. "Whatcha doin?" Santana turned to look at the blonde behind her. She looked like a kitten ready to play or exited for a new toy. So naturally the Latina couldn't help but wonder what was the reason for that mood of hers.

"Going to my next class" she said like it was the most obvious thing in the world, but given the fact that they were in the middle of their school and it was around third period, it kind of was. "Sup with you Bubbles, you're like on drugs or something?" San looked at the other girl that was having some sort of thinking face. For a moment the brunette thought that Quinn wasn't even listening to her.

"I'm more like Blossom, Britt should be Bubbles" she said like it was a revelation of a lifetime which it certainly wasn't btw "You're Buttercup"

"If you wanna live don't ever call me that again" she said frowning. The other girl didn't really seem to take her seriously and just laughed at her words. "So not answering means yes" the Latina said and looked at her with suspicion.

"Nope, don't do that stuff" she said shaking her head and pulling San by the arm in the opposite direction of her classroom.

"Yo cray-cray where are you taking me? To the mothership? " Quinn just laughed again and pulled the Latina through a door. The girl knew well that that door was leading directly to the parking lot.

"Ah no it's too soon for you to meet the masters" she said smiling widely either to her joke or to the Latina's reaction which was now shaking her head "We're skipping" the brunette shook her head again and Quinn's smile grew even wider if it was possible…Only someone with a mouth big as Sam could manage such a smile…Or so she thought till this moment. "Excellent, you're in!" she clapped her hands and looked around for her bike.

"I just said no" the Latina continued with her rebellion and shook her head again this time pointing to it "See" she made sure that the blonde's attention was on her "No" the rebellion was just for fun, she already knew that there was no way out of this.

"In Bulgaria that's a yes and nodding is no" she explained absented mindedly

"We. Are. In. The. U.S.A." she wasn't ready to give up.

"So? What's your point?" the blonde handed her a helmet and started putting on hers.

"You're just…Phh" San's anger and annoyance was a little obvious but she took the offered thing and put it carefully on. She took the seat behind Quinn that was now trying to start the bike.

"Dashing, amazing, smart, and funny?" The bike roared like a very old lion or a grizzly bear maybe? And San suddenly felt a slight fear for her life.

"Idiot, a complete idiot" San could swear that behind the helmet Quinn was making a fake hurt expression. "You can drive this, right?" Quinn just shrugged and started driving towards the exit of the parking lot, slowly.

"According to the law or skills?" she pulled from the road and stopped for a second

"Both?" fear was now growing in the Latina

"Aaa no, according to the law but my skillzzzzz" she thought for a second but San could feel the answer it was painfully obvious. "I can more that drive it" the Latina could swear that she can see the smug face under the helmet. But something in Quinn's expression changed and San knew that the blonde had caught the slight fear she was feeling "You've seen me drive this old thing." She said pulling off her helmet and San's visor, looking in her eyes…The tough Latina was melting inside…She felt warm and she both hated that feeling and loved it… "Aha so when you were driving behind me you were looking at the wrong place" she said it like it was a mystery she was trying to solve for years.

"There is something to see so why not" the Latina answered feeling her strength coming back. She noticed the small blush on Quinn's cheeks but the blonde hid it fast by putting on the helmet again.

"Shut up and let me drive" and with those words the conversation was over and they were headed in an unknown for the Latina direction…This was going to be quite the year, she could feel it, but she wasn't yet sure if it was going to be a good or a bad year.

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><p><em><strong>QUINN'S POV<strong>_

Quinn couldn't help the smile on her face, the warm feeling all over her body, the thoughts in her head…She couldn't help feeling happy, yeah…The fact that Santana's body was pressed against hers wasn't helping either…But it was the best damn feeling in this whole world and any other universe or a galaxy far far away. There was no explaining it, there was no comparing it…


	5. A lonely firefly aka Chapter Five

_**I really don't know what to do with this story, I'm need the end of it, maybe…So yeah will see…About the whole Bram thing…No there is not Bram in it, I actually thing that the only pairing is going to be Quinntana.**_

_**The thing is I am missing my muse, more like the person that is my muse and this whole story just got out of control and at a place I didn't want it to be. I'm new to fanfiction, and I'm new to writhing in English so it's hard…I hope you like the story, I have the intention to continue it till the end.**_

_**I would really like some criticism, real one, not bad words but what's wrong, what should be changed about my writing and stuff like that.  
><strong>_

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><p><em><strong><strong>_

_**SANTANA'S POV**_

They were under the clear sky in a forest. Yeah a forest. No matter which way San was looking there was no sign of civilization around them. They were all alone and away from the city in what seemed like a little paradise. Santana couldn't believe that a place like this existed and most of all she couldn't believe Q knew of it and she didn't. The thing is that she grew up here, in this city, leaving it only for the summers and the girl next to her lived in Lima only for a year, so logically it was weird for a place like this to be unknown to her and known to Quinn, but she didn't question it, she didn't dare speak…Yeah the famous for her razor tongue Latina was now with no words…

This place was amazing. The light of the setting sun made the trees and their already colorful leaves look like they were made of gold and the light was just…It was just connecting with everything making it such a beautiful color, making it breathtaking. Every little thing was brighter, shining…

"It's the most beautiful place I have ever seen" Quinn finally said breaking the silence. She was half lying on the grass, with her hands supporting her upper body so she could see the sunset. Her eyes were full with tears but not like that night, now San knew they were just from the light and the fact that the blonde was watching it for the past few minutes.

"I'm certain now, that you want to kill me, but at least the view is nice" San smiled. She was in the same position as Quinn only instead of looking directly at the sun she was looking at all the colors or the blonde next to her.

"Oh it gets better" Q smiled and finally looked away from the light. Their eyes met and San felt a little bad for being caught staring, but she scold herself for it. The blonde probably couldn't even see her at this moment. Her pupils were tiny and made all the colors in her eyes shine, but they slowly turned back to normal "You look like an angel" she murmured, her vision clearing. She probably meant that the Latina was covered in light. That was logical right?

"You're not so bad yourself" she felt surprisingly confident around the blonde that was now lying complete on the hard ground. It was an unfamiliar feeling that she liked. "So why are we here?"

"Fireflies" she said and closed her eyes like there was no other explanation needed.

They just laid there for the couple of minutes. Seeing how the day changed into a night, how the stars became more and more visible, and the moon took over the sky as the sun was leaving it. There were no words, no speaking, just looking. San was actually liking the place a lot but wasn't really sure how safe it was for them to stay here after all it did seem like it was a forest, so there was bound to be some wild animals wanting to eat them…

"Remember that feeling?" Quinn finally opened her eyes and looked at her. It was almost dark so it was quite hard to see the blonde's expression but San manage to see the pain and sadness, she also saw certainty. "That feeling when you were like turning in circle again and again and again. Like on a office chair or something" San nodded not really knowing what was expected from her "That feeling when you stop and the whole world is turning, moving, you feel like you are moving too…But you really aren't…You know?" The Latina just looked at her waiting for more explanation; she wasn't sure what the point of this conversation was. She had a guess but it seemed too far off. "It's like you feel sick from all the movement, nothing really is moving…The world isn't, you aren't, but it feels like it's moving and you feel like you have no control over yourself, your body…" she stopped talking for a second and took a deep breath. It was dark now and San noticed that there was a full moon looking down on them. She expected Quinn to continue talking but she didn't.

"Is that how you feel?" San took a wild guess and waited patiently for Quinn's answer, but there was only silence. "Like the world is moving and you are moving with it, but not really? Like you have no control over your own body?" San could barely make out Quinn's nod in the darkness between them. "That's not true Q." The brunette moved closer and moved the blonde's chin so their eyes would meet again. There was only silence in hers, like she had no emotion to share.

"Yeah it is. With every move I've made, every change…It was a direct consequence from the world moving, from life moving. And I had no control" she said and now the sadness was obvious in her features, eyes, voice, in the one lonely tear falling down her cheek, stopping at her lips.

"What happened Quinn?" The Latina moved closer again raising her body so she could hug Q from behind. She knew the blonde wasn't good at talking when someone was facing her, at least it was like that when they were kids. So instead of looking for eye contact she hugged her closely to her chest, moving her chin to her, coved from the leather jacket, neck. Their fingers on both hands intertwined. It made San's heart beat faster than she thought possible, bringing back memories, feelings, thoughts…All unneeded, all painful because they were too impossible. But sometimes feeling were meant to be ignored, to be fought and she did just that, because her friend needed her, Quinn needed her to care, to be there, not to think about how good kissing those soft lips would be, or touching her pale and warm skin…

"We were in the car…We…" She started shaking a little so the brunette pulled her even closer if it was possible. It was just like back in the days, like nothing had changed. "I was driving because she had a little to drink…She thought" she took a deep breath again "She thought it was safer for me to drive…We…We were going to run…away…" the blonde relaxed in the Latina's hug and took some time before continuing "Something had happened between her and Russel. She was mad and didn't really tell me what it was...I found out latter…" She started talking as fast as possible, but San could still understand her. She could sense the tensing of her body, the anger that was awakening in the blonde. "We were talking, deciding where to go…We were…Just…" San moved Q's hair behind her ear, stroking it slowly "And then…We we turning, the car was rolling…Some guy got in our part of the road and I reacted…We were turning and turning, it felt like forever when we finally stopped…" She started shaking and San could feel the blonde's breathing getting heavier, she felt a tear falling to her hand.

"Q…" she whispered in next to her ear "It's okay to be mad and sad, it's ok" The Latina was trying to calm her down, she could feel how tense her body was. "It's ok to feel all that, don't keep it in…"

"We waited for the medics, we waited…It was hard for me to breath and I couldn't feel my legs, and Fran was losing consciousness, she was speaking, she was trying to stay awake…To make sure I would be ok…" The blonde's whole body was now shaking and her breathing was uneven and almost not existing. Santana knew that the girl was going back to the memory, that she wasn't really here listening to her but she tried whispering those words again and again. "When the time came for them to get us out…She…She said she wanted me to be first, she refused to get out before me…" San turned Quinn so their eyes would meet, so she could see a way to bring the blonde back to her. "She was dead when they got her out…She sacrificed herself for me and it's my fault…Everything is my fault….." San felt the fear growing in her, the blonde was having some sort of a panic attack…She didn't know what to do, she didn't know how to get her out of that place…

Her face was wet from the many tears, her eyes dark from being in that memory, her face so broken…In that moment Santana knew that Quinn had changed, she knew that the girl in front of her was broken, sad, in pain, and for the first time since she knew her that girl was wearing no mask, she wasn't hiding it, she was open…She opened up to her even thou she knew that would break her more…So San wasn't going to let her stay in that place, she wasn't…

The brunette cupped her face with one hand, and with the other brushed a part of the blonde's hair back. She looked into her hazel eyes that were darker than ever now, from all the emotions. She felt her own body tense, unsure, afraid…She just…Yeah…The Latina, the one that people compared to Satan, was afraid…Afraid of kissing Quinn Fabray…

She moved forward slowly…Taking her time, it was selfish of her to do that…Quinn seemed like she was suffocating now, she was taking half breaths and seemed not able to breathe them out.

"You have control Q, you have a choice" she whispered just before her lips touched Quinn's. They were soft, so damn soft and nice with a slight salty taste from all the tears that had gathered there. It was a soft, slow kiss, a first kiss type, unsure, scary, full with compassion and…Dare she say it maybe even love…Her eyes were open so she could see Quinn's reaction, or at least try to, and she did, she saw and felt how her body became more relaxed, how her breathing became more even…But what surprised her…

What surprised her was Quinn kissing her back. She saw how clear her hazel eyes were now, how they were getting warmer in a familiar way, familiar from the summer she last felt those lips on hers.

Their kiss started heating up and before Santana could realize it she was lying on the ground with the blonde on top of her. Her hands were now on both sides of Quinn's waist and she was instinctively pulling her closer while the blonde was making the kiss more and more passionate.

They pulled away for just a second, opening their eyes, meting the other's pair. Both girls were smiling, both of them were taking a breather before continuing but fate had other plans.

A lonely firefly flew between them and stole their attention. Both of them moved slowly and looked at the countless other lightning bugs flying around them, under the clear night sky and the full moon, surrounded by nature…It was so perfect.

"Nice thinking with the kiss there" The blonde finally said, or actually whispered looking with a huge smile all around them.

"Saw it in a TV series" she answered equally quiet. "So beautiful" The Latina looked around but as cliché as it's going to sound she actually meant Quinn not the view.

"We are actually trespassing. Those are some kind of protected firefly species or something. That's why this place is so untouched." The other girl explained, trying to fill the silence whit whispers.

"I'm not even surprised. Kind of getting used to this 'no laws' Quinn" the fireflies started flying in some other direction, probably going to…Um…Do what fireflies do? Yeah, that. "Ok how the hell do you know about this place?" she looked at the blonde who was now getting up.

"Russel was going to use it for his campaign. My parents own the land" She shrugged it off like it was nothing and just helped San get up even thou she didn't needed it. "It's getting late and I should take you home".

They walked to where the motorcycle was. It was close but both of them weren't in any type of a rush. A walk that should have been like seconds turned to minutes during which they laughed and joked about werewolves and zombies coming to kill them, like they were twelve again.

"You know you change your moods a lot" San commented as they were putting on their helmets.

"Comes with having so many emotions to choose from" she laughed and started the engine. "Let's get you home Buttercup" before the Latina could answer they were already moving through the road that was more like a pathway that a car made some time ago.

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><p><em>So…<em>

_Sorry for leaving you hanging like that…I had some issues to deal with…But before I can share them, I kind of think I should tell you my past. ( hehe I sound like some sort of a secret agent ;d [Fabray. Quinn Fabray] ;d;d )_

_Dear Diary…Kissing Rachel Berry, or rather making out with her was my biggest mistake. It wasn't actually a mistake, more like a revelation, but back then it felt like a mistake…You see…Making out with Santana for a whole summer had a big "OK" in my book. I lied to myself that it was for practice and when that didn't work I told myself that San was way too gorgeous, so it was impossible for anyone to not want her. You can see where I'm going with this, right?_

_Yes, Rachel is hot, she's hot now, and she was before but it was hard to see. She was someone that I strongly disliked and it wasn't because of Finn it was more because of her way of acting and the fact that she, different from me, already knew what she wanted from life, she was confident in her skills, in her talent. She was just someone who I wasn't and in a way kind of wanted to be. I was jealous of her and irritated by her so it was a conflicting situation that alcohol once again helped me solve in the most stupid way possible…By giving me the idea of making out with her. She was drunk too, and it was at a party, the first kiss was during a game of spin the bottle, the next ones were during a meeting in one of the bedrooms._

_We were drunk, or she was…I wasn't, not really…And kissing another girl, yeah that destroyed my world completely. Just kissing Santana and liking it was something I could manage to ignore, it was before boys came into the picture, it was "practice"…But Rach was after boys came into the picture, Rach felt better than the boys and suddenly telling myself it was just "practice" was impossible…_

_I was suddenly faced with a life altering decision. Admit or ignore._

_I wanted to admit, I choose to admit, but it was too late. Santana was mad at me, I had made her hurt more that I would even be able to describe and she had already started moving on. She had found someone who was making her happy, so who was I to interrupt that happiness?_

_I left them be, Britt and San…_

_In a way I was thankful for moving that summer, in a way I wanted to move, in a way I wanted to stay too and tell her all…But I couldn't, so I didn't…I packed my bags and moved to a new life…_

_But I found myself, I found love too._

_…..._  
><em><strong><br>QUINN'S POV**_

She looked inside her locker wondering why exactly she was here. Yeah she had one of those moments where she's doing something, not really sure why. And then she knew. Her reason for standing like that for the past few minutes just passed by her, behind her, talking to someone and not noticing her at all…Yey…

Quinn closed her locker; she didn't want to look at the mirror again, only to see that San was gone…Man was she pathetic…What happened to the whole "not possible, don't do it" thing, she didn't really know. Probably lost that train of thought back at the small forest during that kiss, or before it when she opened up for the first time ever…Yeah she never talked about the car crash, she never thought about it, Quinn had forbidden her mind to go there and it was because every time it wasn't just a memory, every time it was like she was there again, it was like she was going back, every time it was worse than the real thing. Why? Because she would go back there with the knowledge of what is going to happened and no power to change it. It was like she was time traveling but wasn't able to change any move she made, so it was hard, it was her punishment…

"Hey Quinn" she turned to see Mercedes standing behind her, looking like she had something to ask her. The blonde didn't really feel like answering questions today, she actually didn't feel like it any day of the week…It was something she had no control of, it was better for people to find out stuff from her past years from her not from someone that was just going to slaughter her story. So there was a question in the black haired girl's eyes, but she never asked it.

"Hi" she finally answered after a long and awkward silence. "What's up?" it was more of a casual question to keep the conversation going, it was pretty obvious that Quinn was somewhere else, even her eyes were showing it by rooming around looking for someone or something while they both started walking…Okay she admits it she was looking for Santana.

"We won't have Glee today" Cedes looked around too, probably to see who Quinn was searching for "But some of us are thinking of hanging out after school, you should join." The other girl smiled and started walking towards the exit. It was the end of the day and the only people left were either joining a team or a part of a club, so logically there was nothing for the girls to do in school. Or at least for Mercedes, Quinn had plans.

"I have to try out for the swim team first" Quinn said not really thinking about it. This week was the week for all the try outs and what was bothering her, or actually what was bugging her was the fact that Britt was wearing her Cheerios uniform and San wasn't. The last time she studied here Santana wanted to be the captain of the McKinley High cheerleading squad and with the blonde's disappearance that was possible, but now…It seemed like the Latina wasn't on the squad anymore. So Quinn was wandering three things:  
>1. Why was San still in school<br>did she quit the Cheerios  
>And most of all, the biggest of all the questions was:<br>wasn't she with Britt.

The thing is that back in the days the two girls were like honey and Pooh (there was a big lack of metaphors in Quinn's head at the moment), but now they just weren't…Yeah she would see the girls walking together, talking, smiling, but there was some sort of a distance between them…A distance Quinn hoped meant that they had broken up. She hated herself for wanting that, she even felt selfish, but at the same time she didn't. Both girls seemed happy and they were friends so…No harm there…

"Wait we have a swim team? And you are joining it?" Cedes seemed truly shocked by that news. Yeah Quinn didn't really think before talking, at least not today.

"Yeah, it's new. I actually was a part of my old school's team. It was fun" she explained as vaguely as possible, not really wanting to mention that the reason she liked swimming or even considered joining was her girlfriend back in Boston. A girl she pretty much abandoned…She was changed now…She really should apologies to her…Yeah that was something to look forward to…

"Ok then call me after?" Cedes opened the door, ready to go.

"Don't have a phone" she said simply, like it was the most normal thing in the world when in reality for that age wasn't…At all… "Maybe some other time?" It really sounded like she was trying to blew her off, but she wasn't …She wasn't! Scouts honor!

"I'll bring her with me" As the voice came both of the girls turned to look at Santana who was wearing a sports t-shirt and shorts both in the school's colors and sports team name "Titans".

"Okay, see you later" Cedes hugged the blonde and waved to the other girl before turning and walking away, leaving them alone.

Quinn's jaw was somewhere down on the floor. First San was looking hotter than ever in her team uniform and the blonde couldn't help but stare, second the Latina was playing lacrosse jugging by her t-shirt and third she had that smirk on her face, devilish smirk that made Quinn want too many inappropriate things.

"Swim team?" The Latina came closer only to continue walking towards the way Quinn was suppose to be headed.

"Yeah it's fun and I'm good" she answered walking after her and enjoying the view that those shorts provided. "Lacrosse?" _How did that happened?_

"Same" she answered vaguely. "We can meet here after you're done. We have try outs too so I need to go and see the fresh meat." And just like that she was gone and Quinn was all alone. She took a deep breath and walked into the big gym where the pool was. There were only a few people around for the tryouts and a few from the actual team. The coach was a blond bubbly looking woman that smiled almost as brightly as Britt would.

"I'm Holly Holliday, your coach!" she said excitedly and started explaining the types of thing they should have and be able to do to get into the team. Quinn couldn't help but smile, the woman seemed goodhearted and caring, but also bossy enough to manage the team.

She wasn't really nervous about her try out; it was more of a formality than the real thing. After all her couch from Boston and her physiotherapist both send their recommendations to the coach here and she knew that she was going to get the spot she wanted. The team here sucked…That was the harsh truth, they were new and had no experience, they needed her, so she was confident and that was why her tryouts went perfect and she was now scheduled for training three times a week. But all that just meant that she was done with the whole thing pretty fast, and she knew that she was going to have to wait for Santana, so she just did the first logical thing – go to the lacrosse field.

It was more practical that way! It was logical! And her decision had nothing to do with her strange desire to see San playing, or bossing someone around…She was weird…

And unlucky…

By the time she manage to find her way to the field the team had already been done and all of them were in the showers, so she just waited in the hallway for the other girl to be ready.

"Quinn?" She turned at the sound of his voice with a smile. He was smiling too and was fast to hug her. His blonde hair was still wet but so was hers, so she didn't mind when he got her clothes wet too. "Were you trying out? I didn't see you out there…" He looked over energized and she guessed it was probably the practice or maybe Sam was just like that all the time and she was now noticing it? She wasn't really sure, but it made her happy that things with him weren't awkward as they normally should be. Guess they were the exception of that rule.

"Ah no, I actually joined the swim team" Sam frowned at that looking slightly disappointed. "Wait so you and San are in the same team?" She asked trying to make him think of something else, not really liking the fact that he seemed slightly sad about her being a swimmer not a lacrosse player.

"Yeap, it's a mix team. She's actually the captain, so she's good" he said looking around to check if someone was listening in to their conversation, or at least that's how it looked to Quinn. "Don't tell her I told you that, I don't think there's enough air on the world for Santana's ego and us humans" she laughed at his own joke and Q just smiled.

"There's always enough" For the second time today Santana manage to surprise her. Their eyes met and Quinn could see some sort of anger in the Latina's. It was at that moment that she realized Sam's hand was still on her shoulders holding her in a half hug. "It's raining outside and half of Lima is closed, there is going to be some sort of a storm, so the going out thing is canceled." She explained as she awkwardly fixed her duffle bag, so it would be more conferrable on her shoulders.

"That sucks…" Sam frowned like a small child whose candy was stolen and Quinn couldn't help but smile, remembering his words from the other day.

"Call Cedes that we are having a Glee party at my place. If there is a storm so bad to close the Lima Café there would be no school tomorrow, and I'm home alone again so it's a plus-plus." Quinn smiled looking at Santana, she really just wanted the company, now that her mother was taking all those trips left and right for the divorce, her work and media stuff she was alone all the time and being alone gave her too much time to think about the past and the past was definitely not a happy place for her. "I have what we need home too, so no shopping is needed." She clapped her hands liking the idea more and more. For the first time ever she was happy about her mother's obsession with always being prepared for guests.

"I'm in, we have a rematch to get to" Sam was now beaming. He had the biggest smile that could possibly exist. Santana on the other hand was throwing daggers at him from where she was standing and didn't look so happy about the whole thing.

"Hey Sam, can you go ahead?" she said with a soft smile and he seemed to understand that Quinn needed some privacy with the other girl, so he just nodded and hugged her before disappearing. "If looks can kill" she laughed lightly and walked to San, taking her hand and pulling her slowly towards the exit.

"What's up with you and Salamander Lips" The Latina said with some sort of faked casualty. "You dating or something?" Quinn couldn't help but laugh at that. Yeah he was her brother and the whole jealousy thing Santana was trying to pull seemed so ridicules to her.

"He's my brother" She shrugged like that was the most obvious thing in the world, it kind of was, they had some familiarities, but considering how well her family was known for their strict by the book life it was a shocking thing to hear and Quinn knew it, she could remember that shock from when she found out. But so much time had passed; she had learned to accept it, going through all the emotions till she arrived to curiosity and acceptance. Now she just wanted to know him and she wanted him being a part of her life. So it felt natural to her to think of him as her brother "Russel's kid, so half brother" Quinn explained not really helping Santana's shock expression. She wasn't sure if there was anything she could say to change that, but at least the anger was gone from San's eyes.

"That's just…Ok" The Latina stopped moving and looked at Quinn's eyes. "Are you going to run again?" she asked as she slowly pushed Quinn to the wall. The blonde felt the hard surface behind her back, and the warm body in front of her. She knew that the question was more about her leaving every time San's feelings would start showing, feelings like jealousy, like love, attraction…

"I don't want to…" she said cursing herself for the words coming out of her mouth…"But…"


	6. but for a second under the stars

**P.S.: I hope you like it :)**

**I don't own Glee or it's characters. I don't own the songs too - they belong to The Script ("Never Seen Anything Quite Like You" and "**The Man Who Can't Be Moved" mash-up...hope it works fine...)****

* * *

><p>"But what Quinn?" Santana said a little impatient "But you're not gay? Or maybe you don't like me back?" Now the anger was back. "Because that's total bullshit!" Quinn could only smile which was probably the most inappropriate thing to do at such a moment, but she couldn't help herself and the smile didn't really helped cooling down Santana's temper. "What the…" before she could finish Quinn kissed her. <em>So it's true that the best way to shut up someone is this<em> she thought as she pulled the Latina closer, doing her best to leave her breathless, after all the blonde wanted to finish what she was about to say and the brunette didn't seemed to mind the kiss. Seconds into it she finally started to relax, Quinn felt all the tension in the other girl's body disappearing, she felt her hands rooming all over her body, slowly but passionately…She felt the need to continue, to do more than just touch, kiss…She wanted more, but…Oh she hated that word…

She pushed Santana away from herself, just a little, just enough to be able to breath, to take a so needed breath. San didn't seem happy about it, but she obeyed and stayed away with a wicked smirk.

"But" Quinn's hand was now on Santana's chest making sure that the distance would stay the same till she's finished "I have unfinished…Relationship." She saw the hurt in the Latina's eyes; she felt her taking a step back, like Q had just punched her in the gut. "

"So who is he?" There was so much hate in her words. Quinn knew that she had made her feel the same way as she had probably felt back during freshman year.

"San" she took a step closer to the strong and beautiful Latina, looking in her chocolate eyes, wanting so badly to kiss her. "I'm gay" She pulled the girl closer and closer till their bodies were almost one, feeling her breading, her pulse. "And I…I don't like you back." She took Santana's hands in hers, bringing them up to her neck and leaving them there only to cup her face with hers. She looked at those eyes, she had never seen San so broken… "I love you since that first summer. I loved you then as just a friend. "She gave her a small peck on the lips, it felt so natural, so right "We grew up together, we fought each other, we hid our secrets from the other…But" She kissed her again, this tame taking her time, making sure that every word and every kiss was rebuilding what she had broke. "I never stopped loving you, I just didn't want to admit that my love had become so much more" She smiled and gave San another kiss this time on the cheek "I was in love. I am in love. I will always be in love." She kissed her jaw line, behind her ear, her neck and then their lips met again. "I love you and those words are hard for me to say because they mean so much. They are a promise. A promise for forever, and back then I was scared to say them…Now I'm not. So Santana Lopez I am in love with you!" She shouted the words, so if there was a soul in this school that someone would hear it, she didn't care who knew, she didn't care who was going to find out.

"But?" Santana asked still hanging to that one word, that word that Quinn was escaping, trying to forget…

"He is a she" She started pulling back, needing the distance to tell the Latina that story "I moved to Boston. Broken, sad…Back them I thought I had lost all chances with you, you had moved on and I was too afraid to risk and be honest. So" She hugged herself needing the light pressure on her body, to keep calm "So I met my new neighbor and she was just there…She didn't care, she didn't judge, she didn't push, she helped me change, accept myself and before I knew it we were more than just friends." The blonde felt her breath being stolen away from her chest, so she took a pause to learn how to breathe again. Back then she was happy, she felt like her life was finally going in the right direction, but even then, when she had love and someone next to her, she missed San… "I was thinking of coming out, them my sister found out and reminded me of what our father does when he doesn't approve of who we're dating , so I was afraid of the consequences and what he might do…He moved us to Boston to control my sister, just because he didn't like her boyfriend." The memory awoke so much hate towards her father. He wasn't so much homophobic as he was controlling. He had his vision for them and everything that got in his way was something he had to hate, so it wasn't the gay thing, or dating before marriage it was the fact that he had no control over Quinn and Frannie, and that wasn't a part of his plan. "So we hid for some time and no one knew, no one suspected…But that made us feel safe and feeling safe made us careless…" She started remembering in detail that night. Her parents were out and suppose to be out at least till midnight so the girls decided to…You know what teens do.

"He caught us in bed…Together…" At first she only felt shock, there was no fear, but then she saw his eyes…He was angry beyond explanation, beyond possibility. She saw his eyes…She was afraid, but she jumped out of bed. "Naked" she both said the word and thought of it, the memory of her taking the sheet with her to cover her body while she was standing in front of him, stopping him from doing…Doing something stupid…He hit her, and the slap made her head turn, and her body fall, but she was fast on her feet again, blocking him…Saving Emily from his rage. "I had told Fran about the romantic night I was planning, so when she found out that they were coming home early she came too. She came to warn me but she was too late…" Quinn remembered yelling at Emily to go and not come back. She remembered her father yelling too, another slap this time harder. She wasn't crying…She felt pain…Emily was gone, she was on the ground…There was one thing that was going to happened, he was going to hit her…She knew it, she could already feel the pain, but just as he was ready to hit her, this time not with a slap, something stopped him…A second later he was on the ground too and she was standing up. "She couldn't stop him from seeing us, but she stopped him from beating me." Fran was standing in front of her, protecting her from their father. They were yelling, Quinn couldn't hear the words but she knew they were about her, about them… "She protected me, she choose me over him, over every plus that we had from him." Fran pulled her hand talking, saying words, things about how everything was going to be okay, how they were going to go on a trip, Santana was doing the same now. She was holding Quinn who seemed frozen in the past; she was holding her in a thigh hug. "She asked me if I was ok to drive, I said yes." Fran lived close to their house, it was all a part of Russel's plan to control her, so she had to run to get to Quinn and not drive…But now they were going to run further, go away from him and they needed a car.

"We were at her place, fast to pack and fast to go. She was drinking that night with friends. She couldn't drive…" The blonde was behind the wheel, speeding up on the road with no know direction. "She told me we were going to New York, something about friends…" Her phone was ringing, she was driving fast "Emily was calling me, I ignored it." Ringing again and again…For just a second…

For just a second "I looked down…Just for a second…" Then she was blinded by the lights "Some driver was in our part of the road, he was heading straight for us." She was driving too fast; her reactions were too slow from her body shaking, that phone was still ringing…

She felt the collision, the lack of control, the unbearable pain; she heard the creaking of the metal, both cars becoming one. She smelled the blood, the coming rain.

"We crashed. Fran died I was saved." Santana was still holding her; somehow they were sitting on the ground. It seemed like they were standing like that for some time, because Quinn could feel how numb her legs were from the weird position.

"It's not your fault Q" San whispered kissing her cheek and dragging her hand through the blonde's hair for comfort.

"I was in a coma, then paralyzed, then punished every day from him. He never hit me, but he kept me on a leash and made sure that I would know it was my entire fault." The memories of her physiotherapy and all the fighting she had to go through, how she spent the last part of her sophomore year and summer in a bed or a wheelchair…Those memories kept the fear awake, at first she wouldn't be even able to get into a car, or even look at one…At least now she could drive for a short period before a panic attack. "I think it is, but I have started forgiving myself for it, trying to live as best as I can. She would have wanted that for me." San gave her another kiss and a reassuring squeeze, just to remind her that she was there for her.

"But…"Oh that word again "I just left Emily like that…Like I left you…And I loved her" San's body seemed tense but she didn't move, she was still holding Quinn "I need to finish things with her, to apologies, to make it right." The blonde looked at the Latina, cupping her face in her palm "I need to do that before I could move forward. It's the last piece of my past. That and making out with Rachel when I was drunk, freshman year" Both girls laughed at that. She knew San would never take Rach as competition so she wouldn't be jealous. "Are we ok?"

"Yeah" Santana looked at her with a small smile "I can wait a little longer." She kissed her with such a passion, like it was their last kiss. 

* * *

><p>She picked the black object; it felt unfamiliar in her hands. It had been awhile since the last time she had used it. Phones were, like cars, her reminders, so she swore them off and after the crash never even got close to one, but now was different, she was braver, and she had to do this…She needed to do this.<p>

Pushing slowly all of the needed numbers and holding her breath.

Beep. What was she thinking there was no way this was going to go good…

Beep. Ok the guys were downstairs, in her room. A loud music was coming from it and a even louder singing. Everyone was having fun and no one seemed to notice her missing, or the fact that there was a huge storm outside.

Beep. She was glad they were all here with her. Santana. Britt. Puck. Rach. Cedes. Sam.

Beep. Even the newbies and those people that she never had time to get to know, all of them people that she was starting to really like and enjoy spending time with.

Beep. Candles were lighten downstairs for a more retro vibe and in case of a power outage which was quite possible.

Beep. She was not going to pick that phone…Quinn had too close, to end the call…She couldn't…She waited.

"Yeah?" Her voice was the same and the blonde could even imagine her playing some game and balancing her phone between her shoulder and cheek. She could see the intense look on her face, and she hated herself for having to ruin her day.

"Hi" She whispered, but she knew Em was going to recognize her. They had spent so many hours talking on the phone, so both of them knew the voice of the other perfectly.

"Quinn…" A combination of surprise, shock and something else Q couldn't recognize.

"The same" She couldn't find her words. This was even harder that se imagine it would be.

"It's been…"

"…too long"

"You just…"

"…left"

"Yeah" Sadness was obvious in her voice. Emily was the most happy and positive person Quinn knew, but in a different way than Britt. Em was a realist, she saw the world as the bad place it is and she saw people as the worst of it all, but yet she was positive, she believed in change and had the hope that everything is meat to go bad before even starting to become good. Like a butterfly, like she once explained. Britt didn't see that, she saw the world in her own way, a pure, child like way, not because she was immature or stupid, but because she had faith…So there were more alike than you could even imagine, after all faith and hope were both based on the believe in something beyond in the future in one way or another.

"I know you don't believe that words are enough of an apology. I know you hate people who do stuff like this on the phone…I…I couldn't wait anymore…I had to tell you everything, to explain, to say how sorry I am…Just so you would maybe hate me less…I know how selfish it all sounds…" she stopped waiting for some sort of a answer from the brunette on the other side of the call…There was none, only heavy breathing…But that was a good sigh, it meant that Quinn should continue, that she should try harder…So she did…She told her everything that had happened to her…Everything inside her head. Every feeling and then…Then she lost her words… "There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting." She quoted and she knew Em would understand.

"So you've found your truth?" Her voice was calm and steady, the heavy breathing gone, there was no judgment, no hate, no coldness…She was Emily, and she had always been that way with her…Quinn loved her as a friend…But back then she loved her because she needed her…And she needed Santana because she loved her all her life…That is…That is how she knew the right choice.

"I just had to look back" She answered "I'm sorry for hurting you…"

"…but you're not sorry about how it all went down, where you ended up" Still calm, but Quinn just now noticed there was no warmth in her voice, no clues to their friendship or love.

"Yeah" There were no words she could use to explain how sorry she was, but yet her mind knew that for her to get here, to this point, for her to have a chance with Santana there was no other road.

"Without all the bad in life no good would exist and with no good there will be no bad." Em said what Quinn was thinking, making the blonde smile faintly. "It's ok Quinn, I've moved on and I'm happy"

"Hanna?"

"Yeap"

"I knew I had a reason to be jealous" Both girls laughed at the memory of Quinn's little outbreaks.

"Go get your soulmate" She ordered and Quinn was smile was bigger now.

"How did you…" It was an unnecessary question.

"I just know you" She laughed lightly and breathed a long breath out. "I don't hate you." Those were her final words before she hanged up the phone.

Quinn could hear the beeping sound and then there was silence. She was alone in the dark.

The power went off.

Only the light of the lightning, the sound of the thunders and rain, only the loud voices in her room…

Only that seemed to matter now.

Only Santana Lopez.

Forever. Always. 

* * *

><p><em>Dear Diary, there it is…My whole story…It's out in the open, it's there to be seen, and here to be read. You were my one special thing, my one and only comfort. You helped me open up, you don't know how? It was because you never judged and you listen. Yes I know you are just white pages and a leather cover and other people might say that you are just a soulless object, with no life, that you are just a thing.<em>

_I know thou. I know that all of that is as far from the truth as possible._

_No I'm not crazy._

_You see I believe that the human soul is able to love infinitely and that love isn't meat for only one person. With our love we give a piece of our soul too, the biggest goes to our soulmate, a person who gives us in return a piece from their own soul, the ones that are noticeable but not too big are for family or friends or both and their those little, tiny, almost invisible pieces that we give to objects that we truly love. So in a way with every object we touch with love we give a tiny piece to it, we give it something...Something unexplainable…_

_And about life, you may not breath, you may not speak but inside those covers you hold my life, my story and you are a part of it. For me you were a friend, a companion and I am thankful…_

_Thank you dear friend 3_  
><em>Goodbye…<em> 

* * *

><p><em><strong>SANTANA'S POV<strong>_

Time seemed to fly. It had been a week since her very emotional and very reviling talk with Quinn…It had been a week since she had kissed the other girl, a week since she was last holding her in her arms…And a week was enough to make her what it more and more…A day was enough, a week was a torture, but she never said a thing…She was a friend, a good friend…Yes…Nothing more…She was waiting…

Fuck.

She wanted so much more but with every day she felt like that was not happening. Quinn seemed distend during those days, she seemed busy either with practice, studying or even hanging out with someone, and she seemed to always be too busy for San…The Latina was growing inpatient, but she never spoke a word, she waited…And waited…And a week seemed like so much time to be separated from someone you love…The worst of all was the fact that that someone was right next to you, only to not be able to kiss her, touch her or even speak to her in that flirty way…So it was hell…

Yet that all was good news for her team. All the buildup energy, aggression, hurt, jealousy…Every emotion was something she used…She used to channel it on the field, to use it against her opponents…For her luck it seemed to work, but only for a second…

That's what she had…A second in which she could breathe, but in the other eighty-six thousand and three hundred ninety-nine seconds in a day were unbearable and breathing seemed impossible. She had become that person…The person that needs to be around the one they love, to be able to touch their person, hold them, kiss them…

Damn it…

"Santana" She turned at the voice with a smile on her face that she couldn't help, it was only natural to smile when she saw her… "We're skipping" She intertwined their fingers in the middle of the full school hallway, catching the eyes of a few students. Quinn didn't seem to care that someone was watching, that people were going to whisper and gossip just because they were holding hands.

Not so much that they were homophobic as San had a reputation.

So they would be just assuming from it.

She didn't care…She hoped they would assume the right thing…That her waiting would be over.

She wanted to kiss her for hello, goodnight or goodbye every day

Yes, Santana Lopez was that kind of person. When she loved she loved fully with all of her heart and soul, but she loved rarely and when she did, she would be scared of it. She wasn't scared this time, she had that feeling living in her for as long as she knew the blonde. Fear was something that just was gone…She was thinking clearly, she knew what she wanted, she accepted it.

"I think I liked you better when you were all goody-good." They left the parking lot on foot, leaving Santana's car and Quinn's bike and actually as it seemed their stuff back at the school. She was kind of worried as to where they were going and what the reason was. Who wouldn't be?

"Will see about that" A wicked grin was now on her face. The Latina was excitedly wondering what exactly was happening. "Close your eyes" Quinn stopped pulling her and Santana obeyed. She was now blindly following the other girl, trying to guess where they were going. No luck with that thou.

"You better not kill me or I'm gonna hunt your ass" There were a few turns, a step up and then just walking. Q was quiet and holding Santana's hand through all the way, she never let go.

Santana was struggling with the urge to open her eyes, but for once she wanted to put her trust in someone.

"It's a nice ass to follow around" The Latina could practically see the smirk on the blonde's face. She smiled too. "Okay we're here" San heard the opening of rusty doors, she stopped and waited permission to open her eyes.

Her permission came in the form of a soft, tender kiss that the blonde gave her. Her lips tasted like strawberry, her favorite. She felt her pull away, hearing her walk away too.

She opened her eyes.

It was an old, left to age building, there was dust, there were bricks, there was left from the previous owner stuff, but none of those matter. No. What did were all the other things.

The lit candles on the floor, forming a pathway to where Quinn was standing and to some other room, the light bulbs hanging from the ceiling with a soft light, like stars they seemed far away.

Santana finally looked to where the blonde was standing. She noticed the vertical piano and the small bench in front of it. Quinn took the seat and started playing a slow nice melody. Her eyes were closed and she seemed concentrated, giving her all to that one song.

"_I think I want you more than want, and know I need you more than need, I want to hold you more than hold…  
>When you stood in front of me<br>I think you know me more than know, and you see me more than see I could die now more than die every time you look at me."_

Her voice softly flew through the room as she sang the first verse of the song, San was smiling, and impossibly big smile. She was happy. Her wish, all that she wanted, was coming true.

_"Going back to the corner where I first saw you. Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move…Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my hand saying, "If you see this girl can you tell her where I am?""_

San tried to move forward, she needed to kiss the blonde, more than anything in this world, but her body wasn't listening, it was standing there. She was unable to move.

_"Some try to hand me money, they don't understand I'm not broke – I'm just a broken-hearted woman. I know it makes no sense but what else can I do?"_

Quinn finally opened her eyes and looked at Santana, meeting her eyes, she smiled, her hands never stopping, moving on the piano's keys, her voice perfect, true, full with emotion.

_"So I'm not moving, I'm not moving, waiting for you"_

It sounded like a promise and somehow the brunette knew it was.

_"And you'll come running to the corner 'cause you'll know it's just for you. I'm the woman who can't be moved…I'm the woman who can't be moved."_

Quinn was now standing up, playing the last notes, and carefully moving her fingers on the piano keys. She was looking at Santana, singing to her, confessing her love once again.

_"And your eyes are in your eyes, and my heart's in our hearts. Sometimes words just ain't enough for this love that's more than love."_  
><em><br>_She left the piano and slowly moved to where San was. The blonde cupped the Latina's face with a soft smile on her lips as she was singing the last verse.

_"I've never seen anything quite like you tonight.  
>No, I've never seen anything quite like you tonight"<em>

And with those last words Quinn kissed her. This time with so much passion and love, that San finally knew how it felt to fly.

"Okay I'll admit it." When the kiss ended it was for the simple reason called breathing. "You have some good moves." She smiled and kissed Quinn again, feeling all those damn thing you read about in books. The butterflies, the lightheadedness, the pull that she couldn't control. She felt them all and Quinn seemed to feel them too.

"Oh there's more" The blonde whispered between kisses and started pulling the Latina towards the other room. They pulled away from each other so San could see her last surprise.

The room had only three lit candles, the rest of the light came from jars full with fluorescent stars, there were more on the ceiling, and on the middle of the room were a few blankets with a picnic basket on them. San could smell the homecoocked meal inside and knew that the blonde was the one who made it. She turned to kiss her, but instead was pushed away.

"First we eat." She laughed at the brunette's disappointed face, but she once again obeyed and sat down on the blanked. "I wanted it to be special." San looked at her, not understanding "That's why I made you wait a week." The Latina took a plate with nice looking food in it. Suddenly realizing how hungry she was."This is perfect" She said looking around, smiling at the stars "You're perfect." She stopped her eyes, meeting Quinn's, both girls smiling, remembering their first kiss. Yeah it might have been scary then and full with different emotions, different problems, but their first kiss was perfect. It was in Quinn's room, at her grandmother's apartment there were glowing stars on the ceiling, and it was the first time both of them realized how strong their feeling were for the other. It was a short kiss, their lips only briefly touching, only for a second, but it was enough. From all the kisses that summer that one was the purest, it was never stamped with the "just a practice" tag, it was never explained. Just a kiss, their first kiss, that was something they did after dancing around on some silly song, laughing, smiling, stopping, touching the lips of the other with their own. It might have been more of a kiss if they weren't interrupted, but it was enough.

"How did you change so much" San asked between bites, trying both to eat the rest of her food and satisfy her hunger. "You're just…The person you were only with me"  
>Quinn smiled, looking at the jars full with stars. "Fran's last words to me were "be brave"" She didn't seem sad, just lost in thought, like she was trying to remember how she was before. "The thing I was most afraid of was to be the real me, so I was brave, I stood up to my fear."<p>

"I love you" Quinn's eyes were fast to meet San's. The Latina realized this was the first time she had ever said those words out loud to the blonde. She left her plate and moved forward, slowly, whispering those three words again and again.

"I love you too" The blonde was now lying under San, their eyes never leaving those of the other.

San kissed her forehead, then she slowly moved her lips down Q's face, kissing her eyes, jaw line, chin and then their lips met once again in a passionate kiss, full with more…

Love was unexplainable feeling, they both didn't understand it fully, both weren't sure how their future would go, but this one moment was perfect, it was what they wanted, needed.

It was how their happy ending would start…

_****_

_**"Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love." **_

― _Erich Fromm_

..._**The**_…_**End**_…_**?**_...


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